I'd hate to make my post sound all emo and angsty, but it's something about myself that I see resurfacing several times whenever I get upset and decide to raise a fuss. I'd like to think I'm grown up about matters, but gosh darn it, I'm such a kid. It's a flaw of mine that I don't think gets much spotlight, because it's only revealed with my family (because they're the only ones who will put up with you, no matter how ridiculous you get), so of course I'm grateful that thye're practically one of the only people in the world who will still love me no matter what.

By now, I'm not being so much as emo about it anymore.. How I feel about being angry fluctuates fast, and right now it's at an optimistic part, which is a good thing. Right now I'm looking at my anger as another learning opportunity for improvement. Like I said, whenever I get upset, recently it always boils down to the end of "I didn't change this time".

( Cut because it's boring, but I won't hide my personal feelings-- my true nature. XD )

But maybe that's why I won't be right because I'm such a kid about it. And if I'm right about it even once, I'll want to be right again. Never being right.. Maybe that's the important thing here.. Because as long as I'm never right, I can keep learning and be reminded that I still have ways to go as a person.

In regards to the previous journal post, dang, Colorgenics. Boy did I ride on such a life-coaster. It's SO been going up and down, and another up (or down) is on its way. I'm okay, though. I just have to hang on and stuff~ I think I'll be okay because I'm pretty much optimistic or positive about things. I'm only in trouble when I start emo-ing out like this.

I'd hate to make my post sound all emo and angsty, but it's something about myself that I see resurfacing several times whenever I get upset and decide to raise a fuss. I'd like to think I'm grown up about matters, but gosh darn it, I'm such a kid. It's a flaw of mine that I don't think gets much spotlight, because it's only revealed with my family (because they're the only ones who will put up with you, no matter how ridiculous you get), so of course I'm grateful that thye're practically one of the only people in the world who will still love me no matter what.

By now, I'm not being so much as emo about it anymore.. How I feel about being angry fluctuates fast, and right now it's at an optimistic part, which is a good thing. Right now I'm looking at my anger as another learning opportunity for improvement. Like I said, whenever I get upset, recently it always boils down to the end of "I didn't change this time".

( Cut because it's boring, but I won't hide my personal feelings-- my true nature. XD )

But maybe that's why I won't be right because I'm such a kid about it. And if I'm right about it even once, I'll want to be right again. Never being right.. Maybe that's the important thing here.. Because as long as I'm never right, I can keep learning and be reminded that I still have ways to go as a person.

In regards to the previous journal post, dang, Colorgenics. Boy did I ride on such a life-coaster. It's SO been going up and down, and another up (or down) is on its way. I'm okay, though. I just have to hang on and stuff~ I think I'll be okay because I'm pretty much optimistic or positive about things. I'm only in trouble when I start emo-ing out like this.

Just a forewarning, this is a ramble. XD I'll try to keep it short but I usually have difficulties doing so. I talk too much. )X

It aggravates me that some people don't care about global warming. I understand if they don't understand how it works, therefore they aren't completely aware of what's happening with the world, but when they have to go and make broad statements of how it's something scientists made up, that's what gets me. If you make that claim, where is you basis for that? If you give falsified information to back up that statement, that's fine if that's what you really thought. Just be prepared to be corrected (by anyone who has seen the news).

This started off on a forum about a complaint about how the "globe" doesn't seem to be "warming" with such drastic temperature changes in the climate. (The girl showed the forecast for the next few days in her area where the temperature was around 25 degrees to 70 degrees). She then claimed it was "global-can't-make-up-its-mind". I had to comment and say that it's BECAUSE of global warming that the temperature changes are so drastic. Global warming doesn't really cause hot temperatures. It will actually freeze the earth over.

It would have been fine to leave it at just that, but then someone had to go and say this:
"I honestly think global warming is just something the media has stuck out there for publicity. It's more of a natural cause than anything with these temp changes and what not."

Publicity or not, don't you think it's SOMETHING people should be concerned about, anyway? Well, I know some people don't care because it's their grandkids' problem, but.. it wouldn't help to make efficient use of our energy. It wouldn't hurt anyone to recycle or turn off the lights when you're not using them. Even if you're not an all-green person, every little bit helps. It really adds up.

( Not too long for you? There's more if you're up for it. XD )

Oh yeah, vote for Skullies?
http://www.neopets.com/beauty/details.phtml?pet=Skullies

Why is it in dreams, everything you do just seems.. slower?

Last night I had a dream that I was in a class.. I think it was history or some kind of social science class, but for some reason we were doing math. (I'm serious, it wasn't a math class. I'm not mistaken.) So there's this word problem that's pretty simple. There were only three variables that had to be dealt with, but for some reason I kept getting distracted. I couldn't multiply right, and the biggest number was only in the thousands. I tried and tried, but for some reason the numbers did not register in my mind. I spent over 3 in-dream minutes on one simple multiplication, until I finally asked the teacher if I could use my calculator. MAN I WAS SO PISSED WHEN I TOOK IT OUT. Seriously, it was so easy, but my dream-mind was so cloudy I couldn't focus on the math so I had to resort to it. Plus, it turned out the problem I was doing was on a test, and I was out for like, 3/4 of the time allowed for test-taking because I apparently "fell asleep" during class. I woke up before I found out if I knew the answer, but I was pretty pissed that my brain wasn't processing fast enough to get me a math answer. Like I need more damage to my confidence in my math.

And this isn't the FIRST time I had a math dream. No, no. I've had math dreams many times, but they always piss me off 'cause I can't get the answer. Like, I had this one one time where I had simple problems to do like, 3x3 or 4+1 and it took me about 3 in-dream minutes to get an answer. I was so cheesed off.

Seriously, my math confidence is so low. Everytime I bang my head or something happens where I could inadvertently lose some brain cells, the first thing I always ask myself is "What's 3x3?" like it's one of the things I want to remember if I ever had brain failure.

... 6.

Oh yeah, vote for Skullies?
http://www.neopets.com/beauty/details.phtml?pet=Skullies

Why is it in dreams, everything you do just seems.. slower?

Last night I had a dream that I was in a class.. I think it was history or some kind of social science class, but for some reason we were doing math. (I'm serious, it wasn't a math class. I'm not mistaken.) So there's this word problem that's pretty simple. There were only three variables that had to be dealt with, but for some reason I kept getting distracted. I couldn't multiply right, and the biggest number was only in the thousands. I tried and tried, but for some reason the numbers did not register in my mind. I spent over 3 in-dream minutes on one simple multiplication, until I finally asked the teacher if I could use my calculator. MAN I WAS SO PISSED WHEN I TOOK IT OUT. Seriously, it was so easy, but my dream-mind was so cloudy I couldn't focus on the math so I had to resort to it. Plus, it turned out the problem I was doing was on a test, and I was out for like, 3/4 of the time allowed for test-taking because I apparently "fell asleep" during class. I woke up before I found out if I knew the answer, but I was pretty pissed that my brain wasn't processing fast enough to get me a math answer. Like I need more damage to my confidence in my math.

And this isn't the FIRST time I had a math dream. No, no. I've had math dreams many times, but they always piss me off 'cause I can't get the answer. Like, I had this one one time where I had simple problems to do like, 3x3 or 4+1 and it took me about 3 in-dream minutes to get an answer. I was so cheesed off.

Seriously, my math confidence is so low. Everytime I bang my head or something happens where I could inadvertently lose some brain cells, the first thing I always ask myself is "What's 3x3?" like it's one of the things I want to remember if I ever had brain failure.

... 6.

So the other day, after finishing my shower I head over to my mom's bedroom to find a comb to brush my hair, I noticed the window blinds were open. My mom tells me it's okay to leave it open during the day, but at night when I want the light son, the windows have to be closed, because then people can see me if I'm there. Well, I didn't feel like closing the blinds at that time, and I figured I wouldn't hang around too long, so being seen wouldn't be too much of a problem, but then I thought.. What if in the brief moment when I'm combing my hair, someone broke through the window with a gun and gunned me down?! More importantly, I wonder what would happen if I screamed. Surely, my sister who was upstairs who might (or might NOT, since it's not possible she would ignore my scream of horror as if it were nothing) hear it might come running downstairs to check on the commotion. If that happened, she would be shot too, right? In that case scenario, I would like her to run. Don't check up on me, run, because I don't want you to be next. o_o

Isn't that a hard decision to make right then and there? To tell someone not to check what's happening as someone's getting assaulted because you value their life? Like, technically, Tomo, if you're reading this, this is what I'm saying: If you hear me screaming and gunshots or something, don't check up on me. Go run and find help. )X

This is scary. I almost want to cry. -dork- Because I'm scared, or something.

It's just like if there's a code red at school or something and the gunman somehow broke into your classroom and starts shooting, what are you supposed to do? At first I thought playing dead would be the obvious answer, because uh, then the guy would think I'm dead when I'm faking it, right? But how are you going to keep your breathing all calm as that happens? Moreover, what if the guy wants to make sure you're dead, and SHOOTS you another time just to make sure? You can't really get up and run, either. That's sure death right there, too.

Darnit, why do mean people have to come and threaten everyone's life all of a sudden like that?

Watching America's Most Shocking videos or something had nothing to do with this. XD I just realized that watching that yesterday was a funny coincidence. Dangerous people just come out of nowhere, it's scary.

On a lighter note! Well, it's still more ramblings on my wonders, but while I was playing solitaire many times and losing, I was wondering if every hand, as in, every game of solitaire, has a possibility of being winnable. Like, obviously, sometimes you might be unlucky enough to get a whole game where nothing can be done, but what about bad hands? I always wonder, as I pull a card from the deck to place it somewhere, "Will it be good to use it now? Would the card I need later in the future appear when I pull this card, or will pulling this card blow that chance away?" I somehow feel Solitaire, while it is a game of chance, is also a game of timing. One move could change the whole game for you later. It can make it, or break the game for you.

AND THEN I THOUGHT ABOUT how that was sort of like real life. I mean, we make choices in our lives, some more important than others, but like, sometimes people just end up wondering what would happen if they chose that, uhm, "other path". I use that allusion/metaphor a lot, and here I'm using it somewhat differently. What if we lived our lives the other way? Reminds me of Chrono Cross, where you get to visit that other world. EXCEPT I NEVER BEAT IT OR GOT TOO FAR SO I WOULDN'T KNOW.

Anyway, just some things I was wondering about. I always have questions wtf. )X

So the other day, after finishing my shower I head over to my mom's bedroom to find a comb to brush my hair, I noticed the window blinds were open. My mom tells me it's okay to leave it open during the day, but at night when I want the light son, the windows have to be closed, because then people can see me if I'm there. Well, I didn't feel like closing the blinds at that time, and I figured I wouldn't hang around too long, so being seen wouldn't be too much of a problem, but then I thought.. What if in the brief moment when I'm combing my hair, someone broke through the window with a gun and gunned me down?! More importantly, I wonder what would happen if I screamed. Surely, my sister who was upstairs who might (or might NOT, since it's not possible she would ignore my scream of horror as if it were nothing) hear it might come running downstairs to check on the commotion. If that happened, she would be shot too, right? In that case scenario, I would like her to run. Don't check up on me, run, because I don't want you to be next. o_o

Isn't that a hard decision to make right then and there? To tell someone not to check what's happening as someone's getting assaulted because you value their life? Like, technically, Tomo, if you're reading this, this is what I'm saying: If you hear me screaming and gunshots or something, don't check up on me. Go run and find help. )X

This is scary. I almost want to cry. -dork- Because I'm scared, or something.

It's just like if there's a code red at school or something and the gunman somehow broke into your classroom and starts shooting, what are you supposed to do? At first I thought playing dead would be the obvious answer, because uh, then the guy would think I'm dead when I'm faking it, right? But how are you going to keep your breathing all calm as that happens? Moreover, what if the guy wants to make sure you're dead, and SHOOTS you another time just to make sure? You can't really get up and run, either. That's sure death right there, too.

Darnit, why do mean people have to come and threaten everyone's life all of a sudden like that?

Watching America's Most Shocking videos or something had nothing to do with this. XD I just realized that watching that yesterday was a funny coincidence. Dangerous people just come out of nowhere, it's scary.

On a lighter note! Well, it's still more ramblings on my wonders, but while I was playing solitaire many times and losing, I was wondering if every hand, as in, every game of solitaire, has a possibility of being winnable. Like, obviously, sometimes you might be unlucky enough to get a whole game where nothing can be done, but what about bad hands? I always wonder, as I pull a card from the deck to place it somewhere, "Will it be good to use it now? Would the card I need later in the future appear when I pull this card, or will pulling this card blow that chance away?" I somehow feel Solitaire, while it is a game of chance, is also a game of timing. One move could change the whole game for you later. It can make it, or break the game for you.

AND THEN I THOUGHT ABOUT how that was sort of like real life. I mean, we make choices in our lives, some more important than others, but like, sometimes people just end up wondering what would happen if they chose that, uhm, "other path". I use that allusion/metaphor a lot, and here I'm using it somewhat differently. What if we lived our lives the other way? Reminds me of Chrono Cross, where you get to visit that other world. EXCEPT I NEVER BEAT IT OR GOT TOO FAR SO I WOULDN'T KNOW.

Anyway, just some things I was wondering about. I always have questions wtf. )X

http://hotimg20.fotki.com/a/71_80/233_157/zombb_060908-vi.jpg June 9, 2008
http://hotimg15.fotki.com/a/71_80/233_157/zombb_061008-vi.jpg June 10, 2008
http://hotimg15.fotki.com/a/71_80/233_157/zombb_061108-vi.jpg June 11, 2008
http://hotimg19.fotki.com/a/71_80/233_157/zombb_061208-vi.jpg June 12, 2008
http://hotimg16.fotki.com/a/71_80/233_157/zombb_061308-vi.jpg June 13, 2008

I'm quite aware of the fact that sometimes I draw Zombb with antennae, and sometimes I don't. XD

( Uhhh rambling )
UNRELATED

So I have this journal-sort of thing I started writing in some years ago sitting in this pretty pink heavy-duty paper bag I received for my birthday from my aunt in my room. I wondered how long it's been since I last wrote in it, and though on most days I usually forget to tackle that curiosity, today, I remembered. ^^

Turns out the last time I wrote in it was ONLY two years ago. (Why does it feel so much longer than that?) I hope to maybe write some more in it later today, or sometime this week or so. This particular journal holds a special sentimental feeling for me; I wrote in it specifically to demonstrate self growth. I read the only two entries I've written in it, and I see that a lot of values I had then are the same as the ones I do have now, but some ways of thinking have drastically changed. I noticed that was written around my all-time low confidence streak, and now I'm a bit more confident, or rather, I hope I am more confident now. ^^ In any case, I should get to it sometime soon. I thought it was a stupid idea at the time, and maybe it still is right now, but I did it anyway, and it'd be a nice thing to respond to.

http://hotimg20.fotki.com/a/71_80/233_157/zombb_060908-vi.jpg June 9, 2008
http://hotimg15.fotki.com/a/71_80/233_157/zombb_061008-vi.jpg June 10, 2008
http://hotimg15.fotki.com/a/71_80/233_157/zombb_061108-vi.jpg June 11, 2008
http://hotimg19.fotki.com/a/71_80/233_157/zombb_061208-vi.jpg June 12, 2008
http://hotimg16.fotki.com/a/71_80/233_157/zombb_061308-vi.jpg June 13, 2008

I'm quite aware of the fact that sometimes I draw Zombb with antennae, and sometimes I don't. XD

( Uhhh rambling )
UNRELATED

So I have this journal-sort of thing I started writing in some years ago sitting in this pretty pink heavy-duty paper bag I received for my birthday from my aunt in my room. I wondered how long it's been since I last wrote in it, and though on most days I usually forget to tackle that curiosity, today, I remembered. ^^

Turns out the last time I wrote in it was ONLY two years ago. (Why does it feel so much longer than that?) I hope to maybe write some more in it later today, or sometime this week or so. This particular journal holds a special sentimental feeling for me; I wrote in it specifically to demonstrate self growth. I read the only two entries I've written in it, and I see that a lot of values I had then are the same as the ones I do have now, but some ways of thinking have drastically changed. I noticed that was written around my all-time low confidence streak, and now I'm a bit more confident, or rather, I hope I am more confident now. ^^ In any case, I should get to it sometime soon. I thought it was a stupid idea at the time, and maybe it still is right now, but I did it anyway, and it'd be a nice thing to respond to.