fatfatfatfatfatfatfat

[hikarii]

I hate my dad sometimes. I figure it's a language barrier kind of thing because he can't exactly put words in a way that makes what he wants to say less blunt or hurtful. English is his second language.

One of the topics he brings up a lot is how I don't look healthy, or even blunter, that I'm getting fat. This always comes up at the worst times possible, because he ALWAYS brings it up when I'm stressed about upcoming due dates for term papers and very important midterms that I will fail without proper preparation.

Well, it came up again, because he was very upset at how I started taking the bus instead of biking to campus all the time. I don't take the bus that much-- only three times a week to accompany a friend, otherwise, I do a bit of biking. My dad started bringing up how I looked unhealthy last time I

I don't get it because I really feel I don't eat as much here as university, and I definitely go outside more than I ever do back at home. I'm really upset because this is the kind of thing I don't want to be thinking about right now, because I have to really work hard on some school stuff up until Thursday midnight, and being told this at this time is not appropriate because it's interfering with my already low self-confidence. I'm having a hard time believing I can handle my course load right now, so this is really adding to the list of things that I'll break down over.

On the other hand, I know reality can't be sugar coated. I feel I can't concern myself with fighting obesity until after my school stuff are done. At the same time, I feel taking the brunt of reality and maintaining my health at the same time as I'm worrying about work is another challenge I should be able to balance in.

I'm stuck wondering if I should let this get to me or not. I don't know this anger should be set aside until work is done, or if I should do something about it. Time is a very very pressing matter for me and I'm really freaking out about the things I have to do. I don't know what to do about this.

I know my dad means well, but he always adds challenges and complications to my life whenever I DON'T need it. Even now, I was setting aside time to study real quick, but I was so troubled I wanted to think about it. That, and my sister isn't online for me to complain to.

Maybe I'll go ahead and bike today instead of taking the bus with my friend. I don't want to let my dad down, and it's sunny outside.

That said, I'm not even really fat. My dad just likes to make me feel like I am, which is what I'm mostly upset about. I'm okay with my body as it is now, but I'm apparently not allowed to feel that way!

Comments

[meruke.livejournal.com]

i can definitely empathize with you!!
older generations of asians don't realize that younger people can take offense or be hurt when called "fat" or whatever. my chinese relatives always say stuff like "oh! you got fatter since the last time i saw you" or "why is your face so dry/red?". apparently, it shows that they care about you, but i'd rather they show concern in a different way. ugh.
if you're feeling stressed about study, exercise does help to relax you. the next time your dad bugs you when you're studying or in the middle of an assignment, try taking a short half-hour break to go biking or on a walk to clear your mind so both parties are pleased (when you have the time of course!).

HUGEEE tl;dr comment, sorry hika ;_;

[hikabunny.livejournal.com]

omg NOT TL;DR COMMENT... Thank YOU for reading what I had to say, which was much, much longer.

I know exercise does reduce stress! But I dunno, thinking about exercise adds a sort of stress for me, in that I think about how I have to do it but don't. I'm ridiculous and shouldn't feel that way, but aah. Don't worry though, I'm okay! Your suggestion is really great though. This guy who was talking to a group about stress was talking about how exercise time should be viewed in a positive way to motivate you-- for him, it's an hour where he doesn't have his wife nagging him.

And yeah about the older Asian-gen. I'm able to take it with an "Oh, thank you!" but it's suddenly offensive when I'm feeling down about it, just like many other things people can say if the timing isn't right. Though I wonder if they might mean "healthy" or "bigger since the last time I've seen you (you were a tiny fragile 5 year old last time I saw you)" sometimes. Again, language barrier!

[withcoffee.livejournal.com]

(super belated comment!) lol this is such an Asian parent issue... It's not a language-barrier thing, it's a cultural difference thing! :) For Asian (or at least Chinese?) parents, criticism = wanting to help us improve = caring about us. My mom tells me I'm fat (I'm not) and short (I'm taller than her) so... lol I don't know. I've learned to just take it in stride by now I guess. :/ Don't let it get to you if you can, and just focus on getting your work done! <3

[hikabunny.livejournal.com]

Hahah, well, I said it didn't bother me in general, just that he brings up things about my health at the worst times possible, such as after I've been stressed over studying for midterms and whatnot.

It's not all that different from when a friend says something jokingly when one isn't in much of a cheery mood. It's the timing!

And timing is what my dad is terrible at. XD

[withcoffee.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's because when you're stressed, you focus less on exercise/etc and more on what you're actually stressed about, so he's like "omg she stopped exercising! must be gaining weight!" -_- ahhah