31 May 2012 @ 10:15 pm
Today wasn't so bad.. !!  
I went to class as usual, skipping the FST class that I no longer need to show up for! I keep checking the grade book to make sure I still have that A! I went to transfer hour today, and because there was free pizza and a presentation, I decided to show up late for my tractor lab.. I got to ride the tractors so much today! I really enjoyed it! I was beginning to complain about how I don't get to ride tractors all that much in this class, but today made up for it.. even though the assignment for lab today wasn't all that exciting. I mostly enjoyed myself because I picked up flags and was allowed to ride for fun!

Today was really warm! I returned to my apartment and checked my email only to remember that there was some movie showing with free pizza at 7 pm. It was a little after 6 pm when I found that email, and I debated whether to go or not. I was kind of pizza'd out, but the organization that was hosting the movie, as well as the movie we were going to watch, sounded interesting. I thought I'd go, even if it meant having pizza again for dinner.

The organization, called University Allied for Essential Medicine, was showing part 3 of the PBS program called "RX For Survival". I learned from the group's crash course that the organization actually exists in many other UC campuses-- it's just brand new and started at Davis. Well, I was very intrigued, and the movie we watched really reached out to me. It was about the poorer parts of the world where medicine doesn't reach because of transportation issues and lack of availability. Doctors without Borders was also mentioned in it.

Well, it truly got me thinking. I think I know what I want to do. Well, I know what I want to do, but I wasn't too sure on my reasons why. I also wasn't sure on what I need to do. I understand now, and in order to make that dream a reality, I have to do whatever it takes. I've been really bummed out for the past week, and my sister can attest to that, but I think I'm ready to fight again. I'm ready to fly and aim for this goal. When there's a will, there's a way. I checked the mirror when I got home, and I saw a cute girl with bright eyes. I can really feel my vigor returning to me.

I never liked the idea of saying the reason why I'd want to become a physician is to help people. Sure, of course, that is the ultimate goal, but I feel for me, that there's a sort of plasticity in saying that. I've been told, or rather, I'm there when people tell others, that there needs to be a reason beyond that. Starting last year, I was never too sure what it was for me. Taking the writing in health class made me realize doctors need to be cultured and have a wide variety of tastes to be able to connect with a patient. That really opened my eyes and made me interested in the field but... but what else? I hear again about how in the personal statement for medical school, I need to state why I want to be a physician and why I must go to medical school. That worried me again, because if I think about the communication and relating aspect that drew me in, I have to ask myself, yeah, why? Because obviously, if I want to just talk and relate to people, there are plenty of other jobs that can do that!

But after watching that movie, I see now. I never thought too much about teaching because to me that makes it sound like I have to be qualified to do it. But if I think about it, I've done some teaching! I enjoy sharing what I know with other people to help them along. I like letting people know what I know. I was even considering taking up tutoring again more recently.. Looking at this aspect again, while brushing my teeth, I thought about how I like to educate, on the communicating level. I like to relate and share what I know. At the same time I enjoy forming relationships with people. To me, because of that one class, I feel that an important task of doctors is to make their patients feel comfortable. The patient must be able to trust the doctor. I know the feeling all too well when we don't want to admit that we haven't been doing as much exercise as we should when they ask!

If I also think about it, I think I really like sharing the love. I think what I want to do, alongside the teaching, the helping, the doctoring... is to give love with those actions. It's the act of God's grace, I believe, and ultimately it's important to love others and teach them how to love themselves and others... and one way to start, I think, is to take care of health!

I think I can say I leveled up in maturity today! I'm always surprised at how there is always room for me to grow as a person, because I feel I'm a very mature individual. Whenever I learn new things or realize something that I know just helped me see a new perspective or gain a new life lesson, I'm just blown away by how I've just made room to grow, and there is still yet more room for me to grow in upcoming years.

Despite saying all that, I really have to focus on my studies! I can't even begin thinking like this if I'm not doing well academically!

Current Music: Imai Tsubasa - Kamen
Current Mood: hopeful
Current Location: Apartment
23 February 2012 @ 03:24 pm
Realizing the obvious...  
Well, it's been about 4 hours since my emotions and contemplating thoughts have pretty much subsided. I wanted to be able to write about it but because of class and whatnot in between, so of course by now I forgot a lot of the things I'd like to have write about. For now, I'll just try to make a pithy post. (As I started writing, I realized it wasn't!)

Again, it's about school )
Current Mood: frustrated
Current Location: Apartment
18 September 2010 @ 04:14 pm
Another lesson on self growth, I guess. Crying ensues.  
I'm leaving for my apartment to attend university tomorrow. I'm quite excited to be on my own, but I'm a little sad about not being with my loved ones. I know it's no big deal, but still!

My mom had class today, so she took my sister and I to the mall so we could shop around while we waited for her. Even though I was at the same mall on Thursday, it's a lot more fun with my sister. We found some good sales, still, and we still busted the money we had in reserve for shopping. XD

After that, we stopped by our old home to take a look at the renovations. It's looking good. I think we might sell it, if we decide not to rent it out.

Now we're at grandma's with my uncle and his wife and two children. Both are currently taking a nap.

Yet why do I feel sad? )
Current Mood: sad
Current Location: Grandma's
Current Music: None
09 September 2010 @ 10:16 am
Luck happens in weird ways.  

I don't know what I just saw, but it was pretty amazing. I have to admit that it was done really well.. XD

In all seriousness, I'm working on papers to get me approved to cosign a lease on an apartment near the university I'll be attending this upcoming fall quarter. I woke up this morning and everything felt like.. like it didn't happen. I feel like that almost everyday, though. It's like I have bad memory. XD

I sent an email asking if a student was allowed to cancel their housing contract after the first quarter, and they called me back saying that once a student moves in the apartment, they are bound by contract for the entire year and are to make payments of 4.8k every quarter. After three quarters, that's.. a lot of money! Averaged into months, that would be 1.6k for a month's rent.. The lady on the phone was pretty scary, too. She was all, "Why are you asking? Are you planning on canceling? It's recommended for transfer students because it's close to the school, the apartment is furnished, you get a meal plan, etc. etc." I got all flustered and started saying that my mother was concerned about the costs, etc. That 4.8k for this quarter doesn't even have my tuition added yet. @_@;;

I discussed this with my mom, and I decided I would try to look for an apartment before school starts in the next week and three days.. I saw a high school friend of mine was online, and she isn't usually on. Knowing she is currently a student at UCD, I kind of shot the question, "Hey, do you know a place I could rent?"

I wasn't expecting a good reply, but she immediately told me she needed and apartment mate and that she'd call me.

I don't think I'll elaborate anymore-- it's for her protection, but I went ahead and canceled housing UCD was going to provide me with. Now I'm just filling out forms.

I know everyone feels this way, but I wish sometimes things could be easy! With this university process, it's been a lot of phone calls and "fighting" against things they're charging me for. I suppose if I was lax about it, I'd lose a lot more money.. ^^; I'm just being selfish, and while I know that's allowed sometimes, I feel guilty about it anyway.

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: exhausted
Current Music: Domoto Koichi - Slave of Love
15 August 2010 @ 02:51 pm
Feelin' a little blue.. and maybe pink~  
It's still quite some ways away before I move out of this house and into my apartment over at university, and though I didn't want to start packing things I still need to use like towels, kitchen stuff, and clothes, I started going through my belongings that mostly consist of stationaries, pencils, pens, and things of the like. I don't plan on taking everything, but it's hard to decide what to take and what not to take! I have some pencil sets that I want to bring, then change my mind because I've already brought about three other pencil boxes.

Not to mention I'm not sure what things might end up not being used anyway. I have a ton of Sanrio and other cute notepads, notebooks, diaries, etc, and I've hoarded them for years. I always used to be such a packrat as a kid-- I kept everything. I wanted everything cute and never used them so I could preserve them in their natural pristine state. Maybe it has to do with growing up, but I don't really care about keeping them all new anymore. Okay, so I still do, but I want to use them instead of letting them sit around with no use. Too bad this is a wordl of internet, now! Hardly anyone writes letters anymore. XD

I wonder what will happen to the things I don't bring, though? My dad says I shouldn't take my computer because it's heavy, but.. Will it be safe all by itself at home? What about some of the stationary stuff and pencils I don't decide to bring? This is the part that makes me a little sad. I hate the saying "Nothing is forever," because of how true it is.. I get sad when I think about how once I'm done with college, I might never get to live in this house or visit again. Some people move on with their lives and live separate from their parents after college, but my gloominess comes from the fact that we might not even live in this house anymore. It might be sold when I finish my studies, so... I feel like I should enjoy everything about my house while I still can.. It's a really nice house, so it will be an inexplicable loss to me if that's the case.

Sorry for being sentimental! In all honesty I am ready as I'll ever be to go to university after delaying it two years to attend a nearby college, but thinking about life is such a troubling thought!
Current Music: Imai Tsubasa - BACKBORN
Current Mood: gloomy
Current Location: Home
27 May 2010 @ 09:48 pm
I just don't grow up as fast as I think I do..  
I'm afraid of responsibility.

I attended a CERT (Community emergency response team) meeting today. I haven't attended those in awhile due to school. Today's focus was "Map Your Neighborhood," and basically it just made me think hard about what I can, or rather, should do in order to protect my family.

Then we got these handouts the lady said not to take home unless you were sure you wanted to be a Block Captain.

Because I was one of the two people who were part of CERT who lived in my neighborhood (I don't know if there's more, I felt that was something I could do. I wanted to share everything I learned today with everyone in my neighborhood so we can all work together to ensure safety when disaster strikes.

And yet, like with any position carrying huge responsibility, I was scared. I am scared. I'm always hesitant about agreeing to anything where I will definitely be counted on. I'm only 20, and while that's an adult already, compared to some others around my age, I don't feel like an adult quite yet. I've been dying for my summer vacation to start just so I wouldn't have to worry about work or school anymore. I was tired and I just wanted to play games, mess around, have time to be lazy, and overall be a kid again.

Growing up is so scary. It's hard. I thought I understood what responsibility was-- I've been driving for myself, planning classes for myself, preparing things that needed to be done for myself-- and I was sure that I had long since grown up. At least, for the part where I have to do things for myself!

It seems the hardest part of all is to do things for others. That's where I realized my fear begins. I'm scared when other people are involved. I don't want to let anyone down, and I'm afraid I'm just not capable.

I suppose that if I feel that way, that I should make an effort to do my best so that no one is left behind. Even if I think that way, I'm still afraid, because it's still a big responsibility. Surely, other similar opportunities such as this will come my way in the future, no matter what my decision on this is.

I still have a lot to learn.
Current Music: Imai Tsubasa - Toriko
Current Mood: scared
Current Location: Home
06 May 2010 @ 11:16 am
It hasn't even been 6 hours since I've been awake and I've already had a lot going on...  
The sudden influx of entries from me might be alarming, but that's only because some pretty important things are happening to me right now and I want to be able to reflect on them in the future. ^^;

I apologize because this is about school, and the thing about the education system is that it's different all around the world, so if I write about something that doesn't make sense or sound familiar your school life, it's because of that difference. I can definitely clarify or explain if you wish to hear more!

In short, I took a "different" path (went to community college), so the closest thing I can relate to that might be the same everywhere is that I'm a "second year college student". This lingo will certainly change, and soon I shall be able to call myself as a university student. Bear with this strange mystery for now!

It's about school again! )
I went to RadioShack afterwards to buy some wire I needed to make an electric motor for physics. Now I have to write my cover letter for that internship and do some homework!

Oh yeah, my planner has been saying some funny stuff that makes me think about life. This week in particular, some of the quotes printed on it are...

"Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do" -- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
"Don't worry about all the things you want to do-- just do them!"
"There is a time for planning and preparation, but then action must follow for anything to be accomplished."

I won't relate them to my life just yet because this has gotten long again, but maybe I shall in a few days!

Current Location: Home
Current Music: Domoto Koichi - In the Cemetery
24 February 2010 @ 06:24 pm
Happy Birthday to me~  
Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve to post another entry to show activity because I haven't answered all the comments and friend's journals waiting in line. ^^a Please forgive me for today. It's my birthday and I just wanted to document it! I'm going around on every journal I have to spread the news! I don't mean to be obnoxious-- I'm just happy and I want to share my glee. n_n

I turned 20 today, and because of the school I go to, I get comments like "Oh, you're just a baaaby!" because the age difference among students is vast. But online on sites like Neopets, I'm an oldie compared to 13 year olds. XD! No matter, the other older Neopet players experience the same! For me, it's another year of growth. I don't really feel old or young. ^^ Here goes to another!

Have I any plans? )
Current Music: Da Pump - ALRIGHT!
Current Mood: jubilant
Current Location: Home
31 October 2009 @ 02:07 pm
Happy Halloween! But that has nothing to do with this. XD  
I'll make this as brief and pithy as possible, because I don't want to dwell too much into it and I know I make things get really long-winded.

I don't quite feel my family has been the same since the IRS incident. Everyone has become a little detached, and it's so hard for me to take, considering they're people who are the closest to me. I guess if I couple in the fact that I'm spending more time in school and having to do things like drive myself to places I have to be at, it is really hard to believe that things can't be what they were before. I know change is a part of growing up, but it's so hard. It's crazy how happy and old cheerful times can disappear or end, even though I know they can't stay like they are forever.

I'll cope, though. I'm the kind of person that likes to believe that if I want something like reliving those days, I have to make new memories! That in itself isn't that difficult, but it's starting that's hard. I like what Nagase Tomoya said in [livejournal.com profile] newshfan 's subbed 2001 sports day thing. Something along the lines of "It's up to me to get the results I want". It's about sports, but hey, still inspirational!

Life is funny, which makes it a little bit hard for me to decide what to do sometimes.

Also, reading about some f-list updates about Koichi's proposed 100 shows of Endless Shock, new album, solocon.. I know that sounds and is a lot of work, but I'd rather feel happy for him than be worried. XD Reading how some people feel about makes me kind of depressed, but I have no doubt he'll work hard. Rather than worrying that he'll forget to eat, I'd prefer to think he'll take better care of himself and eat well. Plus, he has Pan. That's his energy source right there. (X!

That said, I feel that way about a lot of you, too! I thought about what [livejournal.com profile] rurun said, and I won't specify what, but I would rather feel happy for any of you than worried. I just feel optimism is an empowering feeling, that's all. I would think some people wouldn't want anyone to worry about them..? Perhaps they'd rather have others believe them?

Alas, I do digress. It's Halloween today in the US, and I don't know where else, but whether ornot you celebrate this holiday, I hope everyone has a good one. n_n

Current Location: Home
Current Mood: confused
Current Music: Domoto Koichi - Ai no Jujika
05 September 2009 @ 10:12 am
Well, after writing this I forgot why I was angry...  
I'd hate to make my post sound all emo and angsty, but it's something about myself that I see resurfacing several times whenever I get upset and decide to raise a fuss. I'd like to think I'm grown up about matters, but gosh darn it, I'm such a kid. It's a flaw of mine that I don't think gets much spotlight, because it's only revealed with my family (because they're the only ones who will put up with you, no matter how ridiculous you get), so of course I'm grateful that thye're practically one of the only people in the world who will still love me no matter what.

By now, I'm not being so much as emo about it anymore.. How I feel about being angry fluctuates fast, and right now it's at an optimistic part, which is a good thing. Right now I'm looking at my anger as another learning opportunity for improvement. Like I said, whenever I get upset, recently it always boils down to the end of "I didn't change this time".

Cut because it's boring, but I won't hide my personal feelings-- my true nature. XD )

But maybe that's why I won't be right because I'm such a kid about it. And if I'm right about it even once, I'll want to be right again. Never being right.. Maybe that's the important thing here.. Because as long as I'm never right, I can keep learning and be reminded that I still have ways to go as a person.

In regards to the previous journal post, dang, Colorgenics. Boy did I ride on such a life-coaster. It's SO been going up and down, and another up (or down) is on its way. I'm okay, though. I just have to hang on and stuff~ I think I'll be okay because I'm pretty much optimistic or positive about things. I'm only in trouble when I start emo-ing out like this.

Current Mood: aggravated
Current Location: Home
Current Music: Kinki Kids - Music of Life