hikarii: (hmm)
2015-02-25 08:32 pm
Entry tags:

Post-birthday thoughts

 I just wanted to write a short entry.

Yesterday was my birthday and I spent it in the good company of my family. There's a seafood buffet in the next town over that has a sweet birthday deal, but I didn't want to trouble my parents into going with me. Despite offering to celebrate locally, they decided to go have that buffet with me for lunch. 

And, well, it was just nice! It was nice to be with my mom and dad and have everyone in good spirits.. I feel good times like those are uncommon, so I'm definitely grateful that we were all in a good mood. My mom doesn't usually like to eat, but she was pretty excited about eating bowls after bowls of green tea ice cream with me! I just felt overall emotional, overcome with love for my family. My sister left me a nice message, since she's away for school and couldn't join us.

I'm grateful for all the birthday messages I received, too! Really, I always believe that simple "Happy birthday!" messages can really make someone's day, since you never know who it can come from! I have to admit I was surprised to received them from quite a few people! I'm so appreciative of everyone who's kept me in their thoughts! 

I think every year we learn to let our heart grow a little bigger as we meet new people, revisit old friends, and learn to let go of things that might have hurt us. I remember reading a quote that time heals everything - you just have to let it. I also like the one that read if everyone's happy with you, you've made many compromises; if you're happy with everyone, you've had to oversee many faults. I think that's what it means to grow as wiser as an adult - to be an understanding and caring person (... along with lame responsibilities like having to go to the bank and getting groceries).

Am I a depressing kid? -laugh- I don't think any of that had to do with me, but they're interesting reminders. What I really wanted to say is that I'm surrounded by wonderful family and friends, and I really appreciate the time everyone took to keep me in their thoughts by wishing me happy birthday. You all helped make it wonderful. ^^
hikarii: (glasses)
2015-02-18 11:22 am

Meeting Mino-san

I met Mino-san in San Francisco on Monday! Mino-san is one of my mutual friends from Twitter. I initially followed her because I loved her art and I thought she was fun, from whatever tweets I was able to read. I didn't know enough Japanese to really speak to her, so I was pretty shy about talking to her. Imagine how shocked I was when she told me she would be visiting California and asked if she could meet me!

At first I told her it would be impossible, since she was visiting the Los Angeles area. When I told her I lived closer to San Francisco, she said she'd fly up there. Q_Q It was a wonderful opportunity I couldn't pass up. I asked Mino-san if my friend JoAnn ([livejournal.com profile] squarebubblex) could join us, and she said yes!


Read more... )
hikarii: (glasses)
2012-05-31 10:15 pm
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Today wasn't so bad.. !!

I went to class as usual, skipping the FST class that I no longer need to show up for! I keep checking the grade book to make sure I still have that A! I went to transfer hour today, and because there was free pizza and a presentation, I decided to show up late for my tractor lab.. I got to ride the tractors so much today! I really enjoyed it! I was beginning to complain about how I don't get to ride tractors all that much in this class, but today made up for it.. even though the assignment for lab today wasn't all that exciting. I mostly enjoyed myself because I picked up flags and was allowed to ride for fun!

Today was really warm! I returned to my apartment and checked my email only to remember that there was some movie showing with free pizza at 7 pm. It was a little after 6 pm when I found that email, and I debated whether to go or not. I was kind of pizza'd out, but the organization that was hosting the movie, as well as the movie we were going to watch, sounded interesting. I thought I'd go, even if it meant having pizza again for dinner.

The organization, called University Allied for Essential Medicine, was showing part 3 of the PBS program called "RX For Survival". I learned from the group's crash course that the organization actually exists in many other UC campuses-- it's just brand new and started at Davis. Well, I was very intrigued, and the movie we watched really reached out to me. It was about the poorer parts of the world where medicine doesn't reach because of transportation issues and lack of availability. Doctors without Borders was also mentioned in it.

Well, it truly got me thinking. I think I know what I want to do. Well, I know what I want to do, but I wasn't too sure on my reasons why. I also wasn't sure on what I need to do. I understand now, and in order to make that dream a reality, I have to do whatever it takes. I've been really bummed out for the past week, and my sister can attest to that, but I think I'm ready to fight again. I'm ready to fly and aim for this goal. When there's a will, there's a way. I checked the mirror when I got home, and I saw a cute girl with bright eyes. I can really feel my vigor returning to me.

I never liked the idea of saying the reason why I'd want to become a physician is to help people. Sure, of course, that is the ultimate goal, but I feel for me, that there's a sort of plasticity in saying that. I've been told, or rather, I'm there when people tell others, that there needs to be a reason beyond that. Starting last year, I was never too sure what it was for me. Taking the writing in health class made me realize doctors need to be cultured and have a wide variety of tastes to be able to connect with a patient. That really opened my eyes and made me interested in the field but... but what else? I hear again about how in the personal statement for medical school, I need to state why I want to be a physician and why I must go to medical school. That worried me again, because if I think about the communication and relating aspect that drew me in, I have to ask myself, yeah, why? Because obviously, if I want to just talk and relate to people, there are plenty of other jobs that can do that!

But after watching that movie, I see now. I never thought too much about teaching because to me that makes it sound like I have to be qualified to do it. But if I think about it, I've done some teaching! I enjoy sharing what I know with other people to help them along. I like letting people know what I know. I was even considering taking up tutoring again more recently.. Looking at this aspect again, while brushing my teeth, I thought about how I like to educate, on the communicating level. I like to relate and share what I know. At the same time I enjoy forming relationships with people. To me, because of that one class, I feel that an important task of doctors is to make their patients feel comfortable. The patient must be able to trust the doctor. I know the feeling all too well when we don't want to admit that we haven't been doing as much exercise as we should when they ask!

If I also think about it, I think I really like sharing the love. I think what I want to do, alongside the teaching, the helping, the doctoring... is to give love with those actions. It's the act of God's grace, I believe, and ultimately it's important to love others and teach them how to love themselves and others... and one way to start, I think, is to take care of health!

I think I can say I leveled up in maturity today! I'm always surprised at how there is always room for me to grow as a person, because I feel I'm a very mature individual. Whenever I learn new things or realize something that I know just helped me see a new perspective or gain a new life lesson, I'm just blown away by how I've just made room to grow, and there is still yet more room for me to grow in upcoming years.

Despite saying all that, I really have to focus on my studies! I can't even begin thinking like this if I'm not doing well academically!

hikarii: (Default)
2012-05-30 10:08 pm
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(no subject)

I woke up with a headache. I never feel like eating breakfast in the morning, but I know I have to or I won’t last the day! I got to sit in on a surgery the surgeon deemed as challenging today. It lasted for over an hour and a half and ended up being the only procedure I got to see. I actually was allowed in the operating room around 7:30 AM, but the doctor was at a meeting and didn’t arrive until 8. While waiting for him, I was talking to the scrub nurse. We were just talking about things like what I’m doing, why I’m there, and my plans for the future. He asked me what I like to do as a hobby, and I answered drawing! I showed him my deviantART, and he told me about how his kids like to draw too and asked questions like where I get ideas to draw. After that, we talked a bit about my hometown, which I was surprised he knew the name of! Not many people do, so I tend to pick the big city that’s 15 minutes away from where I live.

My discussion section for my ecology class took place at the duck pond today. We were supposed to conduct an experiment. The TA arrived late, but while waiting for her, I noticed a classmate that was also in my other class. I was feeling crummy about the score I got from the midterm we just took, and I just wanted to blow off some disappointment about it. So I went ahead and said aloud, “Man, that midterm! I didn’t do so well. I got a 58.”

I noticed she had a tissue out, so I added, “Oh, do you have allergies? I was worried I’d get allergies, too. Last time I was here for the group project we did for this class, my allergies started acting up like crazy!”

She told me that she didn’t have allergies, actually. She was kind of crying about something else. I asked her if she was okay, because I felt that I should always ask someone who’s sad if they might want to talk about it! She said she did, and then we ended up striking a conversation about how hard school was and how we’re studying but the results are not what we expect! We ended up having a lot of things in common, and I was just happy to be able to talk about what’s been eating me for the past week! I kept reassuring her that whatever she was feeling, I hit the exact same all-time low last week.

Really, I never forget that I’m not the only one with whatever problems I might have. I know there are always others who are in the same boat, but to be able to find someone else who is going through the same thing is really nice sometimes. I don’t mean it in a negative way, because of course I want the other person to have the best thing going for them, but sometimes it’s… reassuring to have someone who is going through the exact same thing and can listen to your plans seriously. I’ve been asking others for opinions, but of course depending on where the person I’m asking stands academically, how they feel about my situation is of course going to be different than mine.

I pretty much told her we can talk about anything! I’m not one to be easily offended, and I’m open about a lot of things. She asked what my plans for the rest of the day were, and I mentioned about attending a workshop about med school application in the next hour. She said she was thinking about doing the same thing! To kill the hour gap, we both went to the bookstore. I had a gift card to spend, but I wanted to see if there was something I would want to buy, first! I didn’t get anything in the end, and we both headed to the workshop.

After that, I waited with her for her bus, since she missed it by a minute because of the workshop! She really worried about taking too much of my time, and I kept saying that it was fine. I don’t offer things if it’s really no big deal. I told her I do the same for everyone. (X

hikarii: Another glasses one (pic#729168)
2011-09-14 10:07 am
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Feeling a bit bummed out...

Not only am I retaking a class (to boost up my 2.3 GPA), but while trying to petition a degree from the community college I attended, I realized that a class I took there counts for "half" the class I’m taking at university.

I don’t know if that means I need to take that class in full at my university, because I can’t imagine petitioning for "half a class" and getting it. I guess I COULD take the other "half" of the class at the community college I attended, but I don’t have time for that! It makes more sense to take the class in full at uni!

Oh, the class is an important lower division that needs to be fulfilled, which is why I’m concerned about having already taken upper divisions that required that course. My university, for the sake of holding students responsible for their path, does not place restrictions on those who enroll in the more advanced classes that have prerequisites. If someone never takes the pre-reqs, it comes back to get them the day they plan to graduate!

I’ll talk to my counselor about this, along with this other question I have, but I’m preparing myself for this possible reality.

I sooo glum about this right now, but maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. It could be a chance to boost my GPA. It could also be a filler class for when I need a few more units to hit the minimum requirement for a quarter and I don't know what to take. Who knows?
hikarii: (Default)
2010-09-18 04:14 pm

Another lesson on self growth, I guess. Crying ensues.

I'm leaving for my apartment to attend university tomorrow. I'm quite excited to be on my own, but I'm a little sad about not being with my loved ones. I know it's no big deal, but still!

My mom had class today, so she took my sister and I to the mall so we could shop around while we waited for her. Even though I was at the same mall on Thursday, it's a lot more fun with my sister. We found some good sales, still, and we still busted the money we had in reserve for shopping. XD

After that, we stopped by our old home to take a look at the renovations. It's looking good. I think we might sell it, if we decide not to rent it out.

Now we're at grandma's with my uncle and his wife and two children. Both are currently taking a nap.

Yet why do I feel sad? )
hikarii: (Default)
2010-08-15 02:51 pm
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Feelin' a little blue.. and maybe pink~

It's still quite some ways away before I move out of this house and into my apartment over at university, and though I didn't want to start packing things I still need to use like towels, kitchen stuff, and clothes, I started going through my belongings that mostly consist of stationaries, pencils, pens, and things of the like. I don't plan on taking everything, but it's hard to decide what to take and what not to take! I have some pencil sets that I want to bring, then change my mind because I've already brought about three other pencil boxes.

Not to mention I'm not sure what things might end up not being used anyway. I have a ton of Sanrio and other cute notepads, notebooks, diaries, etc, and I've hoarded them for years. I always used to be such a packrat as a kid-- I kept everything. I wanted everything cute and never used them so I could preserve them in their natural pristine state. Maybe it has to do with growing up, but I don't really care about keeping them all new anymore. Okay, so I still do, but I want to use them instead of letting them sit around with no use. Too bad this is a wordl of internet, now! Hardly anyone writes letters anymore. XD

I wonder what will happen to the things I don't bring, though? My dad says I shouldn't take my computer because it's heavy, but.. Will it be safe all by itself at home? What about some of the stationary stuff and pencils I don't decide to bring? This is the part that makes me a little sad. I hate the saying "Nothing is forever," because of how true it is.. I get sad when I think about how once I'm done with college, I might never get to live in this house or visit again. Some people move on with their lives and live separate from their parents after college, but my gloominess comes from the fact that we might not even live in this house anymore. It might be sold when I finish my studies, so... I feel like I should enjoy everything about my house while I still can.. It's a really nice house, so it will be an inexplicable loss to me if that's the case.

Sorry for being sentimental! In all honesty I am ready as I'll ever be to go to university after delaying it two years to attend a nearby college, but thinking about life is such a troubling thought!
hikarii: (Default)
2010-08-14 09:10 pm
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I usually have a one-track mind..

This entry might end up being sporadic because I'm not quite sure what I want to focus on. I realized that even if someone's previous journal entry for anything hasn't been updated for a , whether it's on dA or LJ or wherever, that doesn't mean the person is inactive. For all I know, they could still be poking around here and there. I used to think there was no point trying to add someone like that to a friends list, but I have to admit that I'm guilty of doing the same now. I think I blog a lot, but it turns out I don't as much as I'd like to. There have been soe events happening in the past few weeks that I thought about blogging, but I get a little lazy when I actually have to hit "Post a new entry" and.. sit to write about my day.

On Wednesday evening, my mom brought in a good-sized package that [livejournal.com profile] heart283 sent me! She gave me a bunch of T+T, Tackey, TOKIO, and some Kinki Kids CDs and CD/DVDs. She was really, really generous. My sister was the first to open it, so when she peered inside, she shouted out, "Whoooa! That's a LOT!"

Just looking at the collection she gave me made me think about how JE is totally getting rich from their fans. @_@ I knew about this, and I'm a part of it, but wow.. When I think about how many other fans take part in this.. It's scary!

I've already given her my thanks, but I don't feel it's enough-- I want to do more somehow. She wouldn't even let me pay shipping though I was fully willing too. XD My sister said I should draw her something, but I'm a little nervous about that. XD How do people who don't draw feel about receiving art from others? I draw, so I appreciate anything people draw for me, but I don't know if it's the same coming from someone who doesn't.. ^^; But for all I know, she could secretly draw, too. Waah.

In any case, I'll say it again. Thank you so much, [livejournal.com profile] heart283 ! This is one of the kindest things anyone has ever done for me. My sister and I are really grateful. ^^

I'm just sitting here at grandma's right now, bored. XD My sister starts school again next week.. I don't go until mid September.. HEe. Lucky me, I know. I'm totally enjoying my summer break. ^^ I have to get my presentation about my internship done by Friday, though!

Side note: WHOA! I just accidentally clicked a different link, and by the time I hit back, this post thing was clear! I was about to be all depressed until I hit CTRL + V, and whoo. I saved my entry. Yessss!

hikarii: (Default)
2010-05-27 09:48 pm
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I just don't grow up as fast as I think I do..

I'm afraid of responsibility.

I attended a CERT (Community emergency response team) meeting today. I haven't attended those in awhile due to school. Today's focus was "Map Your Neighborhood," and basically it just made me think hard about what I can, or rather, should do in order to protect my family.

Then we got these handouts the lady said not to take home unless you were sure you wanted to be a Block Captain.

Because I was one of the two people who were part of CERT who lived in my neighborhood (I don't know if there's more, I felt that was something I could do. I wanted to share everything I learned today with everyone in my neighborhood so we can all work together to ensure safety when disaster strikes.

And yet, like with any position carrying huge responsibility, I was scared. I am scared. I'm always hesitant about agreeing to anything where I will definitely be counted on. I'm only 20, and while that's an adult already, compared to some others around my age, I don't feel like an adult quite yet. I've been dying for my summer vacation to start just so I wouldn't have to worry about work or school anymore. I was tired and I just wanted to play games, mess around, have time to be lazy, and overall be a kid again.

Growing up is so scary. It's hard. I thought I understood what responsibility was-- I've been driving for myself, planning classes for myself, preparing things that needed to be done for myself-- and I was sure that I had long since grown up. At least, for the part where I have to do things for myself!

It seems the hardest part of all is to do things for others. That's where I realized my fear begins. I'm scared when other people are involved. I don't want to let anyone down, and I'm afraid I'm just not capable.

I suppose that if I feel that way, that I should make an effort to do my best so that no one is left behind. Even if I think that way, I'm still afraid, because it's still a big responsibility. Surely, other similar opportunities such as this will come my way in the future, no matter what my decision on this is.

I still have a lot to learn.
hikarii: (Default)
2010-05-06 11:16 am
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It hasn't even been 6 hours since I've been awake and I've already had a lot going on...

The sudden influx of entries from me might be alarming, but that's only because some pretty important things are happening to me right now and I want to be able to reflect on them in the future. ^^;

I apologize because this is about school, and the thing about the education system is that it's different all around the world, so if I write about something that doesn't make sense or sound familiar your school life, it's because of that difference. I can definitely clarify or explain if you wish to hear more!

In short, I took a "different" path (went to community college), so the closest thing I can relate to that might be the same everywhere is that I'm a "second year college student". This lingo will certainly change, and soon I shall be able to call myself as a university student. Bear with this strange mystery for now!

It's about school again! )
I went to RadioShack afterwards to buy some wire I needed to make an electric motor for physics. Now I have to write my cover letter for that internship and do some homework!

Oh yeah, my planner has been saying some funny stuff that makes me think about life. This week in particular, some of the quotes printed on it are...

"Knowing is not enough; we must apply. Willing is not enough; we must do" -- Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
"Don't worry about all the things you want to do-- just do them!"
"There is a time for planning and preparation, but then action must follow for anything to be accomplished."

I won't relate them to my life just yet because this has gotten long again, but maybe I shall in a few days!

hikarii: (Default)
2010-01-27 07:36 pm
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I always lose to myself. XD

I'm not thinking about it as much as I was a day or two ago, but I've been gaining a bit of weight. I thought it was okay since family matters still aren't great even though it's been a few months, so I do.. eat to cheer myself up and/or lack motivation to do lots of things. My mom says that I shouldn't blame that kind of thing on "depression". She's right, but even so, I still feel unmotivated and down and I want to eat anyway. XD;

That said, I'm feeling okay right now, so don't think I'm writing this while I'm feeling all gloom and doom. ^^;

I was out of an art slump, but I feel like I'm getting sucked back into it. o_O; I'm trying to fight it. XD I did some quick doodles, at the very least. One was a small thing I did to summarize a dream I had a few days ago *posted to my dream journal* and..
I'm not big on guys in skirts, but the cow-print theme of this costume just screamed for me to try and draw something using only black.. The challenge was coloring in with black, too. XD; Well, I mostly did this because I have a subscription on my MangaBullet and I wanted to stick a background on before it disappears February 2nd. 

Oh, I scanned the comics I sent to RuRun, but I haven't saved them as separate files, so I'll share those later. Hahah.

Let's see what's next on my to-do list.. XD

hikarii: (Default)
2009-11-02 09:01 pm
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Nothing to fear but fear itself..?

My greatest enemy these days has been fear. I really hate the awkward moments in classes where there's dead silence because nobody dares to answer the teacher, or even make a guess to the question. Why? Because we're afraid to be wrong! (Except my friend Christa who decided not to answer becuase she wanted to see what the teacher would do if no one piped up. I told her afterwards she was sadistic. XD)

That's some weird fear I have to get over myself. I hate leaving class with a sinking feeling of  "I should have just said something, even if I end up being wrong!" I get so angry at myself for wimping out just because I was afraid. It doesn't make me feel good at all! I'm a coward! XD

One of these days I'll get over it, maybe. The first step is to speak up! (And in a clear voice, too. No mumbling!)
hikarii: (Default)
2009-10-31 02:07 pm
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Happy Halloween! But that has nothing to do with this. XD

I'll make this as brief and pithy as possible, because I don't want to dwell too much into it and I know I make things get really long-winded.

I don't quite feel my family has been the same since the IRS incident. Everyone has become a little detached, and it's so hard for me to take, considering they're people who are the closest to me. I guess if I couple in the fact that I'm spending more time in school and having to do things like drive myself to places I have to be at, it is really hard to believe that things can't be what they were before. I know change is a part of growing up, but it's so hard. It's crazy how happy and old cheerful times can disappear or end, even though I know they can't stay like they are forever.

I'll cope, though. I'm the kind of person that likes to believe that if I want something like reliving those days, I have to make new memories! That in itself isn't that difficult, but it's starting that's hard. I like what Nagase Tomoya said in [livejournal.com profile] newshfan 's subbed 2001 sports day thing. Something along the lines of "It's up to me to get the results I want". It's about sports, but hey, still inspirational!

Life is funny, which makes it a little bit hard for me to decide what to do sometimes.

Also, reading about some f-list updates about Koichi's proposed 100 shows of Endless Shock, new album, solocon.. I know that sounds and is a lot of work, but I'd rather feel happy for him than be worried. XD Reading how some people feel about makes me kind of depressed, but I have no doubt he'll work hard. Rather than worrying that he'll forget to eat, I'd prefer to think he'll take better care of himself and eat well. Plus, he has Pan. That's his energy source right there. (X!

That said, I feel that way about a lot of you, too! I thought about what [livejournal.com profile] rurun said, and I won't specify what, but I would rather feel happy for any of you than worried. I just feel optimism is an empowering feeling, that's all. I would think some people wouldn't want anyone to worry about them..? Perhaps they'd rather have others believe them?

Alas, I do digress. It's Halloween today in the US, and I don't know where else, but whether ornot you celebrate this holiday, I hope everyone has a good one. n_n

hikarii: (Default)
2009-09-05 10:12 am

Well, after writing this I forgot why I was angry...

I'd hate to make my post sound all emo and angsty, but it's something about myself that I see resurfacing several times whenever I get upset and decide to raise a fuss. I'd like to think I'm grown up about matters, but gosh darn it, I'm such a kid. It's a flaw of mine that I don't think gets much spotlight, because it's only revealed with my family (because they're the only ones who will put up with you, no matter how ridiculous you get), so of course I'm grateful that thye're practically one of the only people in the world who will still love me no matter what.

By now, I'm not being so much as emo about it anymore.. How I feel about being angry fluctuates fast, and right now it's at an optimistic part, which is a good thing. Right now I'm looking at my anger as another learning opportunity for improvement. Like I said, whenever I get upset, recently it always boils down to the end of "I didn't change this time".

Cut because it's boring, but I won't hide my personal feelings-- my true nature. XD )

But maybe that's why I won't be right because I'm such a kid about it. And if I'm right about it even once, I'll want to be right again. Never being right.. Maybe that's the important thing here.. Because as long as I'm never right, I can keep learning and be reminded that I still have ways to go as a person.

In regards to the previous journal post, dang, Colorgenics. Boy did I ride on such a life-coaster. It's SO been going up and down, and another up (or down) is on its way. I'm okay, though. I just have to hang on and stuff~ I think I'll be okay because I'm pretty much optimistic or positive about things. I'm only in trouble when I start emo-ing out like this.

hikarii: (Default)
2008-11-22 08:43 pm
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Bolol, I don't need this to be private, but I am a little embarrassed that this nearly pointless rant will be seen by people on my friends list. XD

I think I know why I always feel like a kid, still.

It's 'cause all women in love are girls.

And I'm constantly in love. |D I give it, I receive it, I'm thriving in it. Yay.

This kind of thing is usually written during a happy kind of mood, right? Well, I'm not in a super great happy mood right now, but I still think about that kind of thing.

My sister, who happens to be my best friend in the whole world, seems to find annoyance with me lately. My mom, too.

So that got me thinking about what kind of nuisance I am. I like to talk a lot, so it's difficult for me to limit myself in what I want to talk about to my closest friends.

I thought about it, how even I am a pain to even my most favorite people, and decided that if the people around me can't even tolerate me that much, it would be impossible to find someone else who can take all that from me.

Now I'm trying to rethink how I can be a better person. I guess liking to talk because I'm passionate about something is one thing, but being unable to shut up on the subject is another.

I guess in a sense, after thinking about that over, I seem kind of lonely. It's like, I have to talk to myself to keep my own self company. Sure, I know I'm not COMPLETELY alone, but when it comes to another being besides God, it certainly feels like it.

I think it's okay to feel that way. It just makes me feel a little sad that I have to limit myself on something I really like to do just so I don't get on the nerves of the people I care about.

At least love makes me feel better about it. <3 I always feel happy again after wards.