Hika
31 May 2012 @ 10:15 pm
Today wasn't so bad.. !!  
I went to class as usual, skipping the FST class that I no longer need to show up for! I keep checking the grade book to make sure I still have that A! I went to transfer hour today, and because there was free pizza and a presentation, I decided to show up late for my tractor lab.. I got to ride the tractors so much today! I really enjoyed it! I was beginning to complain about how I don't get to ride tractors all that much in this class, but today made up for it.. even though the assignment for lab today wasn't all that exciting. I mostly enjoyed myself because I picked up flags and was allowed to ride for fun!

Today was really warm! I returned to my apartment and checked my email only to remember that there was some movie showing with free pizza at 7 pm. It was a little after 6 pm when I found that email, and I debated whether to go or not. I was kind of pizza'd out, but the organization that was hosting the movie, as well as the movie we were going to watch, sounded interesting. I thought I'd go, even if it meant having pizza again for dinner.

The organization, called University Allied for Essential Medicine, was showing part 3 of the PBS program called "RX For Survival". I learned from the group's crash course that the organization actually exists in many other UC campuses-- it's just brand new and started at Davis. Well, I was very intrigued, and the movie we watched really reached out to me. It was about the poorer parts of the world where medicine doesn't reach because of transportation issues and lack of availability. Doctors without Borders was also mentioned in it.

Well, it truly got me thinking. I think I know what I want to do. Well, I know what I want to do, but I wasn't too sure on my reasons why. I also wasn't sure on what I need to do. I understand now, and in order to make that dream a reality, I have to do whatever it takes. I've been really bummed out for the past week, and my sister can attest to that, but I think I'm ready to fight again. I'm ready to fly and aim for this goal. When there's a will, there's a way. I checked the mirror when I got home, and I saw a cute girl with bright eyes. I can really feel my vigor returning to me.

I never liked the idea of saying the reason why I'd want to become a physician is to help people. Sure, of course, that is the ultimate goal, but I feel for me, that there's a sort of plasticity in saying that. I've been told, or rather, I'm there when people tell others, that there needs to be a reason beyond that. Starting last year, I was never too sure what it was for me. Taking the writing in health class made me realize doctors need to be cultured and have a wide variety of tastes to be able to connect with a patient. That really opened my eyes and made me interested in the field but... but what else? I hear again about how in the personal statement for medical school, I need to state why I want to be a physician and why I must go to medical school. That worried me again, because if I think about the communication and relating aspect that drew me in, I have to ask myself, yeah, why? Because obviously, if I want to just talk and relate to people, there are plenty of other jobs that can do that!

But after watching that movie, I see now. I never thought too much about teaching because to me that makes it sound like I have to be qualified to do it. But if I think about it, I've done some teaching! I enjoy sharing what I know with other people to help them along. I like letting people know what I know. I was even considering taking up tutoring again more recently.. Looking at this aspect again, while brushing my teeth, I thought about how I like to educate, on the communicating level. I like to relate and share what I know. At the same time I enjoy forming relationships with people. To me, because of that one class, I feel that an important task of doctors is to make their patients feel comfortable. The patient must be able to trust the doctor. I know the feeling all too well when we don't want to admit that we haven't been doing as much exercise as we should when they ask!

If I also think about it, I think I really like sharing the love. I think what I want to do, alongside the teaching, the helping, the doctoring... is to give love with those actions. It's the act of God's grace, I believe, and ultimately it's important to love others and teach them how to love themselves and others... and one way to start, I think, is to take care of health!

I think I can say I leveled up in maturity today! I'm always surprised at how there is always room for me to grow as a person, because I feel I'm a very mature individual. Whenever I learn new things or realize something that I know just helped me see a new perspective or gain a new life lesson, I'm just blown away by how I've just made room to grow, and there is still yet more room for me to grow in upcoming years.

Despite saying all that, I really have to focus on my studies! I can't even begin thinking like this if I'm not doing well academically!

 
 
Current Music: Imai Tsubasa - Kamen
Current Location: Apartment
Current Mood: hopeful
 
 
Hika
30 May 2012 @ 10:08 pm
 

I woke up with a headache. I never feel like eating breakfast in the morning, but I know I have to or I won’t last the day! I got to sit in on a surgery the surgeon deemed as challenging today. It lasted for over an hour and a half and ended up being the only procedure I got to see. I actually was allowed in the operating room around 7:30 AM, but the doctor was at a meeting and didn’t arrive until 8. While waiting for him, I was talking to the scrub nurse. We were just talking about things like what I’m doing, why I’m there, and my plans for the future. He asked me what I like to do as a hobby, and I answered drawing! I showed him my deviantART, and he told me about how his kids like to draw too and asked questions like where I get ideas to draw. After that, we talked a bit about my hometown, which I was surprised he knew the name of! Not many people do, so I tend to pick the big city that’s 15 minutes away from where I live.

My discussion section for my ecology class took place at the duck pond today. We were supposed to conduct an experiment. The TA arrived late, but while waiting for her, I noticed a classmate that was also in my other class. I was feeling crummy about the score I got from the midterm we just took, and I just wanted to blow off some disappointment about it. So I went ahead and said aloud, “Man, that midterm! I didn’t do so well. I got a 58.”

I noticed she had a tissue out, so I added, “Oh, do you have allergies? I was worried I’d get allergies, too. Last time I was here for the group project we did for this class, my allergies started acting up like crazy!”

She told me that she didn’t have allergies, actually. She was kind of crying about something else. I asked her if she was okay, because I felt that I should always ask someone who’s sad if they might want to talk about it! She said she did, and then we ended up striking a conversation about how hard school was and how we’re studying but the results are not what we expect! We ended up having a lot of things in common, and I was just happy to be able to talk about what’s been eating me for the past week! I kept reassuring her that whatever she was feeling, I hit the exact same all-time low last week.

Really, I never forget that I’m not the only one with whatever problems I might have. I know there are always others who are in the same boat, but to be able to find someone else who is going through the same thing is really nice sometimes. I don’t mean it in a negative way, because of course I want the other person to have the best thing going for them, but sometimes it’s… reassuring to have someone who is going through the exact same thing and can listen to your plans seriously. I’ve been asking others for opinions, but of course depending on where the person I’m asking stands academically, how they feel about my situation is of course going to be different than mine.

I pretty much told her we can talk about anything! I’m not one to be easily offended, and I’m open about a lot of things. She asked what my plans for the rest of the day were, and I mentioned about attending a workshop about med school application in the next hour. She said she was thinking about doing the same thing! To kill the hour gap, we both went to the bookstore. I had a gift card to spend, but I wanted to see if there was something I would want to buy, first! I didn’t get anything in the end, and we both headed to the workshop.

After that, I waited with her for her bus, since she missed it by a minute because of the workshop! She really worried about taking too much of my time, and I kept saying that it was fine. I don’t offer things if it’s really no big deal. I told her I do the same for everyone. (X

 
 
Current Location: Apartment
Current Mood: tired
 
 
Hika
18 April 2012 @ 07:23 pm
Please let sleep come to me on Wednesdays!  
Despite being a bit worried about what I'd be doing on my second time interning at the Same Day Surgery center, today went pretty well!

I was unable to sleep properly again. I woke up at 2 AM, just like last time! I hope I get used to the new Wednesday schedule I have to do. I get up at about 5 and bike about 20 minutes to hop on a bus that drives about 30 minutes to get to the Medical Center in the next city over. I then walk and cross a few streets to get to the surgery center. Last time, I was able to take a bus straight to that building, but I didn't see it this time.

Whoops, back up! I keep talking about "last time". Last week, I tried to retire to bed at 9 PM so I could get up at 5, but I ended up awaking at 2 AM (or was it 12 AM?) in the morning. I could still hear my housemates being.. awake. I tried to go back to sleep again, but I couldn't. I ended up getting out of bed at around 5 AM and got ready. I put all my stuff together and started my early, early morning bike ride. As I crossed the first streetlight, I checked my pockets and noticed my volunteer badge was missing! That badge is VITAL if I am to ride the bus-- it costs money otherwise. So I turn around and start searching the ground during this dark morning. Thankfully, I found it, not too far from where I had stopped, too! My first day as an intern was.. As every first day at something completely new, a bit difficult! I didn't know how to put scrubs on, and everyone was a bit too busy to show me what I was supposed to do so I ended up following the supervisor around. I helped clean out the rooms when a surgery procedure finished, and I think that's pretty much my main job to do. I got quite nervous thinking if all my other shifts would be similar, because I was told I would develop my own routine that worked when I asked if I would be told what to do. @_@

Circling back, today's shift was pretty nice! Maybe it's because I got to sleep a little longer, or maybe it's 'cause I kind of have a better idea of what I'm supposed to do. I kind of.. just noticed when a room was done and went straight to the mop and hand cloth to wipe down the room. They told me a lot of people were out sick that day, and even my supervisor wasn't doing too well in health. I was just basically elated to know I was doing my job right. "Thank you, Bianca" seriously made me beam. Something that I understand to be hard is doing something for the first time on one's own without someone there to tell you if you're doing it right or not. I guess I even got the new intern treatment! XD While mopping, I asked if I was to get the area around the surgical instruments, because I didn't want to mess anything up! My supervisor said I had to lift up the telescope and get under it. I started reaching for the small thing, but he said that it was this other big thing. Realizing the joke, I exclaimed, "No way!" I guess it was funny 'cause he blamed me for making him cough. Probably from laughing. (X

I was pretty much hanging around to do those kind of duties when... I was asked if I wanted to sit on a procedure!! I was so surprised, because I didn't think they'd let me so soon. I felt incredibly privileged, even though they said I'd get to see more. It was... seriously, very wonderful of them to allow me to sit there and watch a team of surgeons work on a patient's shoulder. The most wonderful thing was that they'd sometimes sit next to me and explain what was being done, or what I was looking at, since shoulder anatomy is quite confusing. I was so.. I don't know how to explain it! I'm just a lowly intern and they're taking the time to explain things to me..! Q_Q

As you can guess, I was incredibly exhausted after my shift! I still had class and discussion, and even after that I attended a workshop to learn how to get letters of recommendation for graduate/medical school. I've been attending every workshop under the sun that I can fit into my schedule. I seriously don't understand how things work in the academic world after undergrad, and I'm the first one in my family to have such higher learning that I haven't really had a kind of mentor to tell me what's up. ^^a So yep, I'm juggling in sessions of things like that alongside study, volunteering, and.. other things I should take care of that I'm not. There's a lot on my plate and my major regret is that I wish I understood what I had to do sooner! It's only because I understand now that everything is coming at me now!

I wanted to draw a bit now, but I don't know if that's the best decision, hahah. XD
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Current Location: Apartment
Current Mood: happy
 
 
Hika
10 April 2012 @ 07:06 pm
I'm a socializing beast.  
Man, burgers are my favorite food but I don't want anymore. Sometimes I just don't have enough time between classes for a real meal time so I just buy like whatever burger $1 can get me. I just don't want to eat anymore for the time being, but it's still my favorite food. Just the thought of them is nice.

But yeah I got another when I hung out with my friend for a bit yesterday. He was buying some gyro and because he was going to eat, I didn't want him to feel all awkward by being the only one eating so I went and bought a burger. He said I should try the gyro but I said no thanks, it's too expensive! I'm not about to pay $6 to eat when I didn't want much.

Later that night I went to a transfer student pizza mixer! I went to one last year for the free pizza, and I did the same yesterday! I probably met like, 8-10 people over the course of 3 hours or so. I was hanging out at this table with 2 other girls and a guy, and some hours in, this guy comes over with a paper slip with a few survey questions and starts talking to the guy at our table. Everyone at my table already filled it out and turned it in (It's an entry for a raffle), so when I saw that I said, "Oh, we can sign it for you--"

"No. No. Girls are invisible to me right now."

Wow, uh. Way to approach people. He was talking to the guy at our table for a bit, and after he left, the guy just set the paper aside. I don't think he wanted to fill it out after that kind of treatment. Or maybe he didn't want more competition for the raffle.

I stayed until the end again. I didn't think I would hang around that long after the people I managed to get acquainted with left, but I saw a few girls I hung out with at the exact same event last year! One was helping out with the event, and another brought her housemate along with her. It was interesting to talk about school and all, because we were first year transfers last year. We were all uncertain about everything. I know for sure that this time I spoke with total confidence about what I planned to do. Last year I kept talking about how hopeless it was for me, with such a low GPA. The girl who brought her housemate was telling me how they became best friends within a year. I remembered her telling me the year before how they never spoke, despite living under the same roof!

When I got back at 9:30 PM, I just drew a bit then went to bed.

Miyasako from the JPN manzai duo, Ameagari Kesshitai! I actually don't know much about them, and I can easily say the same about other comedians, too. Anything I know comes from the shows I watch where they appear. I kind of like Miyasako quite a bit, though. He was funny in the dance-off vs. Gaki no Tsukai (which doesn't appear to be on Youtube anymore..) and I like him in Lincoln and Ameagari's show, Ame-talk. I was watching this episode of Lincoln two days ago and I just found it HILARIOUS when he had to say "I'm sorry that I'm arrogant despite being an idiot." I liked that he stammered when saying "Baka," because I figure that must be hard for him to admit, being a narcissist and all. =P

That said, I like Hotohara a lot, too. So I can definitely say I like Ameagari as a whole!

Rozan's Ujihara! He had a bad first impression for me when I saw him on DERO going up against Tackey&Tsubasa and Kanjani8's Subaru and Shingo. I thought he was obnoxious-- and didn't realize he was a comedian. I saw him again when I watched Ame-talk about celebrities who can't draw. It was hilarious, as I'm used to seeing Johnny's who can't draw, but it's pretty funny to see others who can't, either. But yeah, a comedian with a law degree and high IQ. I like that. And his sleepy looking eyes. I realize I should have given him more wrinkles, but I totally couldn't get it to work. ^^a

Todaaay I just went to class and office hours. That was like 5 hours of straight classes and not eating anything! It started to rain, too. I hope it lets up by Thursday because I don't want to have to drive the tractor in rain. I'd rather have the class canceled in that case!

I'll try to get some reading done before I retire, hopefully, early. My internship starts tomorrow. I'm really nervous but I hope I make it there on time and things turn out swell. I hope they like me and that I don't get hungry while on my shift!
 
 
Current Location: Apartment
Current Music: Tackey + Tsubasa - True Heart
 
 
Hika
03 April 2012 @ 09:48 pm
I consider myself a pretty lucky person, 'cause things tend to go my way!  
I hate it when I spill a cup of water. It's such a waste! I let it sit, too, to let nature take its course in letting it evaporate. XD

I left for my first class of the day 10 minutes earlier than I normally would to buy a few scantrons from the bookstore. An email I received yesterday from the professor of the class said that we would have a quiz on the first day of class. No way! I got to class on time, though. The class, called Food, Folklore, and Health, seems pretty fun! We learn about things like how shellfish shouldn't be consumed in any month without the letter 'R' in it (e.g. August) and how honey is dangerous as a sweetener in baby formula. There was quite a bit of attendance checking procedures, though. We were to fill out a questionnaire and sign the back of the quiz when we turned it in to secure our spot in the class. Anyone who didn't wasn't going to be considered as registered! I knew some frazzled students, if they're anything like me, would forget to bring a scantron, so sure enough, I handed out some of my extras. I quite like the professor for this class. She has a really gentle air about her and she seems to love the subject.

After that was my Population and Ecology class. When Professor Gaylord introduced his name, I immediately wondered if other students might be having the same wonderment as I did. He is a very serious-looking man by nature. He does not hesitate in making full use of his teaching hour. I really liked how prompt he was, and his handwriting on the chalkboard. In fact, I was admiring how neat his letters were and how he didn't flinch even as the chalk broke several times while he wrote. I also quite like his.. I don't know if I can call it a sense of humor because he didn't really crack jokes, but the things he laughed at, I thought it was very characteristic of him. I was also incredibly inspired when he told us that he and Professor Williams both drive 2 hours both ways to go to the university's marine biology lab, saying, "I'm not telling you this so you can weep for us, but we both really love teaching." It was at that moment I couldn't help but think that these are some wonderful people who love their job before me. I hope I can work hard in this class!

I got back to my apartment after both classes and spent another half hour reading my "Getting into Medical School" book I borrowed from the library. There's still things I'm not quite sure how to handle, but it has been very useful in informing me on what I to do. I definitely know the "Don'ts," but it's always useful to get the extremely helpful tips.

Around 2:30 PM I went and met up with the guy I was going to carpool with some others to go to an internship orientation in a city about 20 minutes away. It was kind of funny because... Well, we got there okay! It was a really long orientation and we got back okay. I'm extremely bummed out that I don't get a yellow polo volunteer shirt because I'm assigned to the surgical department in my internship! I get a loaned scrub. )=

I'm pretty nervous for my internship, which starts next week. There's a lot of precautions to take, like always washing hands and changing gloves so as to not spread germs to different patients and protecting the patients' privacy by never commenting on their concerns. I also hope the people I'll be working for like me! I just really want to be able to do the job right! I'm really hoping though, that.. I'll like working at the clinic. I'll find out soon enough!
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Current Music: Imai Tsubasa - Saigo no Asa
Current Location: Apartment
Current Mood: tired
 
 
Hika
07 March 2012 @ 03:52 pm
 
Even though I know I'm supposed to take things one at a time I keep getting so worried and bogged down by what I have to do! There's too much studying and work to be done within the next too weeks and I don't want to deal with it. I've been working hard since last week, too.

I mean, I guess I deserve it! But there's no time to think about that now.

In any case, I'm pretty lucky with unexpected.. opportunities, I guess you could say. This isn't the first time, but today, I went to see a pre-med adviser to ask questions about.. Well, the path of pre-med! She was able to address quite a few of the concerns I had. I also wasn't planning on asking about it, but at the end the adviser asked if I did any internships or volunteering yet. I told her I didn't, because I planned to do that in my year off, but she suggested looking at clinical volunteering internships at the ICC. There's only a 4 hour requirement for every week. Because that sounded doable, I asked her what that was about, and she told me I could go check it out upstairs where someone can help me. Sign-ups, she said, started either today or tomorrow.

So, of course, I head upstairs, find the right place to ask and get a little demonstration. The girl tells me I can sign up right then and there if I wanted to, so I did. It turns out my pass time just started, too, so she went ahead and told me what steps I'm supposed to do and all that. Apparently I have until Saturday to pick, but the sooner the better because slots fill up fast. It works like a lottery or something like that. I asked if I could do the signing up at my apartment, since I wanted to check my schedule for next quarter before picking an internship. She also told me which ones had a bus line that went there that I could take for FREE.

All in all, I got to learn about this ICC and lottery thing I've been hearing about from some other students but didn't understand. We'll see how it goes. I hope I don't forget about the orientation dates! I also have to figure out how to get to where I gotta go by bus-- I like free transportation. I'll ask around and see if some other students can help me out, because the only bus lines I see cost money!

This is all future next quarter stuff, though. Now that that's out of the way, I have to go back to doing some school work that needs attention right now. In all honesty I just want to do nothing and complain!
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Current Location: Apartment
Current Mood: exhausted
 
 
Hika
23 February 2012 @ 03:24 pm
Realizing the obvious...  
Well, it's been about 4 hours since my emotions and contemplating thoughts have pretty much subsided. I wanted to be able to write about it but because of class and whatnot in between, so of course by now I forgot a lot of the things I'd like to have write about. For now, I'll just try to make a pithy post. (As I started writing, I realized it wasn't!)

Again, it's about school )
 
 
Current Mood: frustrated
Current Location: Apartment
 
 
Hika
11 January 2012 @ 08:37 pm
Always worryin' over big things that amount to nothing  
Oh man, I had an easy day class-wise today with only an NPB lab and a cancelled discussion section, but when once evening hit, I got a little spazztic!

I don't want to get too detailed, but I just wanted to express relief by saying how things will be okay. I'm rescheduling a course to HOPEFULLY match a registered test date better at a location most ideal for me. This means I won't be able to go home over the weekend starting March, and though that's not too much of a huge sacrifice, I'm still bummed because the trade off is that my weekdays are a lot freer, and I'm ending up with a bit too much free time. I shouldn't say that because that time should be spent studying, of course!

I can be happy if that goes as I hope, though, especially since I was freaking out over the past hour trying to find a way to make ends meet with an impossible schedule. I'm crossing my fingers that even though my last plan didn't work out too well, this new plan will.

I'm going to go ahead and remind myself to check the available testing dates a little later. January 25th sounds like a good day to check, as that's the first one on the drop down list. I'd imagine would get eliminated as the date gets near, opening up the available test dates in June. (Right now, the drop list goes as far down to May 24th). It's also the day Tsubasa's D&R 2010 DVD releases, yeah? I hope I remember!
 
 
Current Mood: disappointed
Current Location: Apartment
Current Music: Imai Tsubasa - Kamen
 
 
Hika
14 September 2011 @ 10:07 am
Feeling a bit bummed out...  
Not only am I retaking a class (to boost up my 2.3 GPA), but while trying to petition a degree from the community college I attended, I realized that a class I took there counts for "half" the class I’m taking at university.

I don’t know if that means I need to take that class in full at my university, because I can’t imagine petitioning for "half a class" and getting it. I guess I COULD take the other "half" of the class at the community college I attended, but I don’t have time for that! It makes more sense to take the class in full at uni!

Oh, the class is an important lower division that needs to be fulfilled, which is why I’m concerned about having already taken upper divisions that required that course. My university, for the sake of holding students responsible for their path, does not place restrictions on those who enroll in the more advanced classes that have prerequisites. If someone never takes the pre-reqs, it comes back to get them the day they plan to graduate!

I’ll talk to my counselor about this, along with this other question I have, but I’m preparing myself for this possible reality.

I sooo glum about this right now, but maybe it’s a blessing in disguise. It could be a chance to boost my GPA. It could also be a filler class for when I need a few more units to hit the minimum requirement for a quarter and I don't know what to take. Who knows?
 
 
Current Mood: sad
Current Location: Home
Current Music: Kanye West - Power
 
 
Hika
17 August 2011 @ 10:33 pm
"anxiety issues" and fear of failure  
These characteristics will drive you insane in a medical school environment, and are difficult to hide even without dropped coursework. They will be seen as a lack of maturity and an emotional liability. You are taking a good look at your education and future and that is not a failure, but you need to find your place with tangible experience in your fields of interest.

A user by the name of bainrd posted this on the SDN forums and I found it inspiring. They quoted someone else who said something pretty amazing, too. In short, the other day I got my MCAT score back, and I was at a loss on whether or not to retake it. Cue uncertainty of the future!

I'm done now. I'm done. I spent today crying and worrying about it so I could blow off the rest of my summer, 'cause once I get back, it's time to be serious. I always feel so silly when I see somebody making mention of "FUD" (Fear, Uncertainty, and Doubt), the three things that really drive medical students crazy.

It's just, thinking about the time commitment and what I have to do.. It's terrifying. Right now I have to boost my GPA immensely, because it's terrible! I'm going to see if I can retake my prep class for the MCAT, too. (= For volunteer and internship hours... I wonder if that's something I can hold off until next quarter or if it's something I can load up after graduating.. I'll have to remember to add a brag list, too..

I'm thinking a lot, but I get really bogged down when I wonder if I can do it. I don't want to say things like I can do it, but sometimes that's the only way to get to a goal.
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Current Mood: tired
Current Location: Downstairs
 
 
Hika
10 July 2011 @ 10:13 am
Don't look back!  

Never, in my life, have my ideals and beliefs been challenged with such vigor as it has within the past year. Work hard and I’ll do well? Try my best because that’s the best I can do?

The successes my motto has brought have been few in number over the course of the rigorous challenges presented to me as of late. Even if things look bleak, I have to still hope for the best and stay optimistic—it could cost my vitality, my fighting spirit otherwise.

I’ll do what I can here. I can’t be relating similarities from a current situation to a failed effort in the past, because if I do, it’s all over.

I'll never get tired of being reminded "You can do anything, as long as you don't give up", "You'll never know 'til you try", and other variations of those seemingly bothersome catchphrases thrown at you in video games, because in the right situation, that kind of talk is what I really, really need.

 
 
Current Location: Home
Current Mood: scared
 
 
Hika
01 June 2011 @ 12:08 pm
GET BENT GET BENT GET BENT GET BENT  
Wow, it's drizzling right now.. a complete 180 degrees from the sunny sky present this morning! Crazy how fast the weather can change within a short time..

My friend W made my morning by saying that the last biochem class was today. Biochem is the only class I have on Friday, so if that's done, I have a free Friday! I could go home Thursday, but the train wouldn't take me home until midnight, if I left at 8 PM. I'll decide on that later.

So, as expected of a last class, you'd think there would be people who don't show up, right? The powerpoint lecture we were looking at wasn't going to be uploaded on the course website, I guess, 'cause a girl asked the professor if he'd put it online. He then asked if we wanted to, because he planned not to so people who attended class would be at an advantage.

I think even after all that, the class seemed like they still wanted him to put it up, but then the TA (Who I believe, from her overseeing my testing section and her mannerism when I talk to her, is a real bitch) spoke, saying "If I were you guys I wouldn't want it uploaded so everyone here would have an advantage."
GET ANGRY )

My Animal Behavior class is having its final tomorrow. I have no idea how to study from this, because judging from the last two exams I took that didn't end so hot, no high level of critical thinking is going to help me, even though the professor said the class was designed for that. All the multiple choice questions really blow, but not as much as the true/false portion. You have to put a reason why a question is false if you think it's false. On a level where this allows the only "free response" and is what I think the ONLY critical thinking portion of the class, even if you have a good reason and basis for why you think a statement was false, (be it too strong, too general, etc.), if the answer key says true than your argument basically got you no points.

I am very unhappy with this class, and it's not because I'm not an avid animal lover. This class will disappoint animal enthusiasts. I really don't recommend it if you attend the same university I do...

Speaking of which, I drew this  when I thought about that class.

Sometimes I feel cool because my posture looks all relaxed when I'm sitting in class, but then I probably look really stupid in actuality! I hate those moments in class where I'm really tired and I just want to close my eyes for a bit, but then because I sit at the very front, I wonder if the professor thinks I've fallen asleep when I'm still listening to every word he or she says!

Should I go ahead and share this too, since I'm at it?

I wasn't going to post so soon again, but I thought I'd update again with my life for those who care. I mean, I'm interested in people's lives, so.. Maybe someone must feel the same for me? Hahah.

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Current Mood: aggravated
Current Location: Apartment
Current Music: Domoto Koichi - Deep In Your Heart
 
 
Hika
24 May 2011 @ 09:47 am
fatfatfatfatfatfatfat  
I hate my dad sometimes. I figure it's a language barrier kind of thing because he can't exactly put words in a way that makes what he wants to say less blunt or hurtful. English is his second language.

One of the topics he brings up a lot is how I don't look healthy, or even blunter, that I'm getting fat. This always comes up at the worst times possible, because he ALWAYS brings it up when I'm stressed about upcoming due dates for term papers and very important midterms that I will fail without proper preparation.

Well, it came up again, because he was very upset at how I started taking the bus instead of biking to campus all the time. I don't take the bus that much-- only three times a week to accompany a friend, otherwise, I do a bit of biking. My dad started bringing up how I looked unhealthy last time I

I don't get it because I really feel I don't eat as much here as university, and I definitely go outside more than I ever do back at home. I'm really upset because this is the kind of thing I don't want to be thinking about right now, because I have to really work hard on some school stuff up until Thursday midnight, and being told this at this time is not appropriate because it's interfering with my already low self-confidence. I'm having a hard time believing I can handle my course load right now, so this is really adding to the list of things that I'll break down over.

On the other hand, I know reality can't be sugar coated. I feel I can't concern myself with fighting obesity until after my school stuff are done. At the same time, I feel taking the brunt of reality and maintaining my health at the same time as I'm worrying about work is another challenge I should be able to balance in.

I'm stuck wondering if I should let this get to me or not. I don't know this anger should be set aside until work is done, or if I should do something about it. Time is a very very pressing matter for me and I'm really freaking out about the things I have to do. I don't know what to do about this.

I know my dad means well, but he always adds challenges and complications to my life whenever I DON'T need it. Even now, I was setting aside time to study real quick, but I was so troubled I wanted to think about it. That, and my sister isn't online for me to complain to.

Maybe I'll go ahead and bike today instead of taking the bus with my friend. I don't want to let my dad down, and it's sunny outside.

That said, I'm not even really fat. My dad just likes to make me feel like I am, which is what I'm mostly upset about. I'm okay with my body as it is now, but I'm apparently not allowed to feel that way!
 
 
Current Mood: aggravated
Current Location: Apartment
Current Music: The Permanents - Ai no Muscle
 
 
Hika
05 February 2011 @ 10:44 pm
Practice MCAT...  
I took a practice MCAT test today. I wasn't prepared for anything. I just wanted to see what it would be like to get an idea of what I'll be in for. Oh my stars it was very, very, verrry hard. The only part I felt good about was the verbal one, but even that it looks like I scored the same as I did for the biology section-- and I was just guessing on those. My total score was 14. That's far from the minimal target of 24! After reading the first page, I could only think, "I need to enroll in a course to take this test. I need help. I can't do this on my own."

I was thinking I'd eventually sign up, just not that day, but they had to do special offers like OH IF I SIGN UP NOW I CAN GET $100 OFF. AND IF YOU AHVE A CLUB REFERRAL YOU GET ANTOEHR $150. That's $250 off a course costing $2,000 right there, so I bit. @_@ It sounded good, too. I mean, I had to put a $299 deposit that was totally refundable, and I could take the class over and over as many times as I wanted until I was confident to take the test. It just sounded really good..

Anyway, all I did after that was watch Pokemon movie 11 and 13. ^^; I haven't seen Pokemon in awhile, and I missed out on those movies, so why not? I also caved and had two bowls of ice cream. I'm disappointed with myself now. XD Well, I'll try to make it up and do some homework now..
 
 
Current Mood: distressed
Current Location: Apartment
 
 
Hika
01 February 2011 @ 10:00 pm
I'll never believe some people...  

That's the only interesting thing that I can think of that happened today. I drew in my planner, so forgive the numbers and days. XD
 
 
Current Music: Imai Tsubasa - Toriko
Current Location: Apartment
Current Mood: tired
 
 
Hika
29 January 2011 @ 11:52 pm
B-ball again !!  
My parents came to visit me today! My mom just really brought me some stuff I said I'd like for her to bring along if she came. We picked up a large Hawaiian and Ham pizza from Little Caesar's, then I took my sister with me to the basketball game that was going on tonight. This time, a drawstring bag was being given away! I wanted one of those! I also got the T-shirt I've been wondering where everyone was getting. Apparently I was supposed to receive it in my first game, but I never did. I also was able to contact the girl who found my Pokewalker at this point. ^^ I should get it back on Monday.

The game was really intense. We were up against UCI this time, and the game prolonged into two over times, so the scores were really, really close. I believe the end result was something like 108-106? We won in the last few seconds. What happened was that when UCI made the shot, the crowd let out a huge groan because it looked like it was over for us. That must have been when UCI's team let their guard down, because one of our guys threw the basketball across the court to another one of our guys, who made the basket and brought us up ahead with 2 seconds left in the game. UCI tried to make a long shot in those 2 seconds, but it didn't happen. I'm soooo happy for us. I supported our team to the end, and so did everyone else! When we won, almost everyone in the stands ran towards our players. Screams and shouts, it was great. It was sad to see UCI's team just leave, though. I feel even worse that one of their best players seriously cramped up near the end of the game. I didn't want something bad to happen. I don't try to dwell on it too much, because it's reality. I know basketball teams have seen worse, and are probably used to common occurrences such as that.

I don't mean to blog a lot-- but since I'm away from my family and my sister no longer does Facebook or dA, I want to keep 'em updated with what's happening.. and it's fun to look back on fun times in the future! This is to make up for my long periods of absence.

Oh, a bunch of my packages came today. XD Everything I've been waiting for! Fuuun. It's like Christmas. I wish they could have spread out a little so I could be happy about it in small bouts!

I realized all the icons on my journal entries never change. While I like my default lots, I think variety is a nice spice. I just forget to switch things up sometimes!
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Current Music: Domoto Koichi - Tsukiyo Monogatari
Current Location: Apartment
Current Mood: chipper
 
 
Hika
27 January 2011 @ 09:47 pm
Midterm, then fun!  
I had my genetics midterm today. I was feeling okay-pretty good about it and took my time with the test, but when 10 minutes were left, I started second guessing myself and everything! I did catch a question where I misread something, but what if there were others? I didn't have enough time to get to it!

After that midterm was done I decided to go to the basketball game tonight! First 800 fans get a T-shirt! This is the second time I've done this-- it would have been third if I had remembered there was a game last week, too. I want free T-shirts with my school's name on it! It was UCD vs UCR, and it must be pretty big 'cause it was being televised on channel Fox40! I told my daddy about it and he said he'd watch, but I don't think he did. Anyway, while standing in line, some people were telling us to look excited when the camera comes, so I did! The gorilla or something was the main face for this game for some reason, so some sponsors were holding gorilla stuffed animals. I was looking all excited and then one of the girls gave me the green gorilla stufftie. I don't know why, but I was soooo happy! I felt really lucky 'cause she didn't give it to anyone else in that entire section of that line. Later, they threw a few out mid-game. I'm thinking she gave me the green one to match with my green jacket. XD

Anyway, the game was really fun! I actually stayed the whole time. Everyone must have been pumped or something because the whole crowd stood the entire time.. I wanted to sit, but I didn't want to be a downer so I stood with everyone else.. It was an amazing game. I was worried 'cause last time I went ot a game, we lost, and UCR's team looked like they were really good. Like, their players were buff with tattoos and everything. This one guy had some face mask on for who knows what. It's a funny contrast, but UCR's team was, for lack of a better word, all black. From their dark uniforms to their black guys, it was totally on the other side of the spectrum in comparison to UCD's white guys, complete with white uniforms.

In any case, I'm starting to become a real fan of our basketball team! I'm going again on Saturday to try and get a free drawstring bag. @_@

I lost my Pokewalker on the way back.. I realized this when I walked some ways, then decided if I should give up on it or run back and ask for it. I decided on the latter. I ran there and had to knock and let the people know I lost something to get in. I looked around the stands to no avail, then asked the students who were part of this staff thing. Maybe it was ASB? I said I lost a Pokewalker, and two of them mentions J found something like that. Unfortunately, J just left. So I gave them my number or something. I hope J calls back! I'm waiting until then. ^^;

Well, the water in my apartment will be shut down tomorrow for maintenance, so I'd better wash up now!
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Current Music: Imai Tsubasa - Slave of Love
Current Location: Apartment
Current Mood: giddy
 
 
Hika
06 January 2011 @ 08:27 pm
Seriously? Too many decisions to make at the beginning!  
This is a long one!

One of the first things I did after starting classes again was to check my grade for last quarter, and boy, was I incredibly disappointed. All my grades were a full grade below what I expected to get! I thought I'd get at least a B+ in Bio and Human evo, but nooo, I got a C+. My organic chemistry grade was really low. That worried me straight off the bat because I don't know what this will mean..

It's not much of a dilemma anymore since I've made my decision, but... )

I went to an Organic Chemistry workshop today after buying a Genetics textbook from a student for $50 and met someone new. I noticed her drawing during the teacher, but she also helped me out when I was confused on a concept. We talked for a bit, then parted ways. I might see her again. She seems really nice.

Speaking of which, my mom worries about how I might feel lonely. She called me around 6 PM to ask why I wasn't online. I told her I was standing in line for a basketball game to try and be one of the first 500 people to get a free T-shirt. She asked if I wanted a T-shirt so badly that I'd stand out in the cold like that, but then asked if I went with my housemate. I didn't. She hoped I was having fun at least, otherwise I shouldn't do things like that. I told her that I was-- even if I go alone, I talk to people a lot so it's very easy for me to make quick friends. (Until I lose their name, contact, etc.)

Anyway! The game! Upon entering, it was pretty amazing. I've never seen a basketball game before, so the whole court layout and getting into the stands was already and interesting experience. It was UCD vs UCSB.. and apparently the coach for UCSB used to be at UCD. Even though the announcer told us to give him a warm welcome back... Well.. You can guess we were bewildered why he left! Their team looked pretty good, too.. I never booed, but I sure did cheer! The bad was pretty cool too! School pride right here!

Oh, and I learned something. Next time I do something like this, I should just grab whatever shirt size they have. People were going around handing XX Large and Large shirts, so some people decided to wait for the smaller sizes... and for some reason they never came. I headed down from the stands along with a bunch of other people to complain, and we were informed there was a shortage of shirts. To make it up, however, they'd give us a better Adidas shirt with our school name. It took a very, very long time, though. I was getting really frustrated. Of courrse I was having fun watching the game, but I wasn't going to be happy if I was one of the firsts in line to get a free shirt and didn't get one! I got it in the end, leaving at half-time, and now I'm back here. I wonder who will win! My uni was behind when I left!

All in all, I had a great experience, epiphany (or maybe it was just mere wish-washy thoughts), and met some pretty cool people today. Once again, I wanted to draw, but I didn't get the time to. ^^; I should also learn the Aggie song!
 
 
Current Location: In my apartment
Current Mood: chipper
 
 
Hika
09 September 2010 @ 10:16 am
Luck happens in weird ways.  

I don't know what I just saw, but it was pretty amazing. I have to admit that it was done really well.. XD

In all seriousness, I'm working on papers to get me approved to cosign a lease on an apartment near the university I'll be attending this upcoming fall quarter. I woke up this morning and everything felt like.. like it didn't happen. I feel like that almost everyday, though. It's like I have bad memory. XD

I sent an email asking if a student was allowed to cancel their housing contract after the first quarter, and they called me back saying that once a student moves in the apartment, they are bound by contract for the entire year and are to make payments of 4.8k every quarter. After three quarters, that's.. a lot of money! Averaged into months, that would be 1.6k for a month's rent.. The lady on the phone was pretty scary, too. She was all, "Why are you asking? Are you planning on canceling? It's recommended for transfer students because it's close to the school, the apartment is furnished, you get a meal plan, etc. etc." I got all flustered and started saying that my mother was concerned about the costs, etc. That 4.8k for this quarter doesn't even have my tuition added yet. @_@;;

I discussed this with my mom, and I decided I would try to look for an apartment before school starts in the next week and three days.. I saw a high school friend of mine was online, and she isn't usually on. Knowing she is currently a student at UCD, I kind of shot the question, "Hey, do you know a place I could rent?"

I wasn't expecting a good reply, but she immediately told me she needed and apartment mate and that she'd call me.

I don't think I'll elaborate anymore-- it's for her protection, but I went ahead and canceled housing UCD was going to provide me with. Now I'm just filling out forms.

I know everyone feels this way, but I wish sometimes things could be easy! With this university process, it's been a lot of phone calls and "fighting" against things they're charging me for. I suppose if I was lax about it, I'd lose a lot more money.. ^^; I'm just being selfish, and while I know that's allowed sometimes, I feel guilty about it anyway.

 
 
Current Mood: exhausted
Current Location: Home
Current Music: Domoto Koichi - Slave of Love
 
 
Hika
15 August 2010 @ 02:51 pm
Feelin' a little blue.. and maybe pink~  
It's still quite some ways away before I move out of this house and into my apartment over at university, and though I didn't want to start packing things I still need to use like towels, kitchen stuff, and clothes, I started going through my belongings that mostly consist of stationaries, pencils, pens, and things of the like. I don't plan on taking everything, but it's hard to decide what to take and what not to take! I have some pencil sets that I want to bring, then change my mind because I've already brought about three other pencil boxes.

Not to mention I'm not sure what things might end up not being used anyway. I have a ton of Sanrio and other cute notepads, notebooks, diaries, etc, and I've hoarded them for years. I always used to be such a packrat as a kid-- I kept everything. I wanted everything cute and never used them so I could preserve them in their natural pristine state. Maybe it has to do with growing up, but I don't really care about keeping them all new anymore. Okay, so I still do, but I want to use them instead of letting them sit around with no use. Too bad this is a wordl of internet, now! Hardly anyone writes letters anymore. XD

I wonder what will happen to the things I don't bring, though? My dad says I shouldn't take my computer because it's heavy, but.. Will it be safe all by itself at home? What about some of the stationary stuff and pencils I don't decide to bring? This is the part that makes me a little sad. I hate the saying "Nothing is forever," because of how true it is.. I get sad when I think about how once I'm done with college, I might never get to live in this house or visit again. Some people move on with their lives and live separate from their parents after college, but my gloominess comes from the fact that we might not even live in this house anymore. It might be sold when I finish my studies, so... I feel like I should enjoy everything about my house while I still can.. It's a really nice house, so it will be an inexplicable loss to me if that's the case.

Sorry for being sentimental! In all honesty I am ready as I'll ever be to go to university after delaying it two years to attend a nearby college, but thinking about life is such a troubling thought!
 
 
Current Mood: gloomy
Current Music: Imai Tsubasa - BACKBORN
Current Location: Home