hikarii: (glasses)
Hika ([personal profile] hikarii) wrote on May 31st, 2012 at 10:15 pm
Today wasn't so bad.. !!
I went to class as usual, skipping the FST class that I no longer need to show up for! I keep checking the grade book to make sure I still have that A! I went to transfer hour today, and because there was free pizza and a presentation, I decided to show up late for my tractor lab.. I got to ride the tractors so much today! I really enjoyed it! I was beginning to complain about how I don't get to ride tractors all that much in this class, but today made up for it.. even though the assignment for lab today wasn't all that exciting. I mostly enjoyed myself because I picked up flags and was allowed to ride for fun!

Today was really warm! I returned to my apartment and checked my email only to remember that there was some movie showing with free pizza at 7 pm. It was a little after 6 pm when I found that email, and I debated whether to go or not. I was kind of pizza'd out, but the organization that was hosting the movie, as well as the movie we were going to watch, sounded interesting. I thought I'd go, even if it meant having pizza again for dinner.

The organization, called University Allied for Essential Medicine, was showing part 3 of the PBS program called "RX For Survival". I learned from the group's crash course that the organization actually exists in many other UC campuses-- it's just brand new and started at Davis. Well, I was very intrigued, and the movie we watched really reached out to me. It was about the poorer parts of the world where medicine doesn't reach because of transportation issues and lack of availability. Doctors without Borders was also mentioned in it.

Well, it truly got me thinking. I think I know what I want to do. Well, I know what I want to do, but I wasn't too sure on my reasons why. I also wasn't sure on what I need to do. I understand now, and in order to make that dream a reality, I have to do whatever it takes. I've been really bummed out for the past week, and my sister can attest to that, but I think I'm ready to fight again. I'm ready to fly and aim for this goal. When there's a will, there's a way. I checked the mirror when I got home, and I saw a cute girl with bright eyes. I can really feel my vigor returning to me.

I never liked the idea of saying the reason why I'd want to become a physician is to help people. Sure, of course, that is the ultimate goal, but I feel for me, that there's a sort of plasticity in saying that. I've been told, or rather, I'm there when people tell others, that there needs to be a reason beyond that. Starting last year, I was never too sure what it was for me. Taking the writing in health class made me realize doctors need to be cultured and have a wide variety of tastes to be able to connect with a patient. That really opened my eyes and made me interested in the field but... but what else? I hear again about how in the personal statement for medical school, I need to state why I want to be a physician and why I must go to medical school. That worried me again, because if I think about the communication and relating aspect that drew me in, I have to ask myself, yeah, why? Because obviously, if I want to just talk and relate to people, there are plenty of other jobs that can do that!

But after watching that movie, I see now. I never thought too much about teaching because to me that makes it sound like I have to be qualified to do it. But if I think about it, I've done some teaching! I enjoy sharing what I know with other people to help them along. I like letting people know what I know. I was even considering taking up tutoring again more recently.. Looking at this aspect again, while brushing my teeth, I thought about how I like to educate, on the communicating level. I like to relate and share what I know. At the same time I enjoy forming relationships with people. To me, because of that one class, I feel that an important task of doctors is to make their patients feel comfortable. The patient must be able to trust the doctor. I know the feeling all too well when we don't want to admit that we haven't been doing as much exercise as we should when they ask!

If I also think about it, I think I really like sharing the love. I think what I want to do, alongside the teaching, the helping, the doctoring... is to give love with those actions. It's the act of God's grace, I believe, and ultimately it's important to love others and teach them how to love themselves and others... and one way to start, I think, is to take care of health!

I think I can say I leveled up in maturity today! I'm always surprised at how there is always room for me to grow as a person, because I feel I'm a very mature individual. Whenever I learn new things or realize something that I know just helped me see a new perspective or gain a new life lesson, I'm just blown away by how I've just made room to grow, and there is still yet more room for me to grow in upcoming years.

Despite saying all that, I really have to focus on my studies! I can't even begin thinking like this if I'm not doing well academically!

 
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